


Rogues Trip

by SolidCoffee



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, suffer, suffer through my billions of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-03-21 23:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13751775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolidCoffee/pseuds/SolidCoffee
Summary: The Joker’s decided to sneak off with a few of his other villainy friends for a cross country road trip. On the way they manage to run into a huge array of problems - like superheroes, cults, and eventually leading to timeline hopping.Takes place in an offshoot of my Dysfunctional Duo AU (where Joker’s trying to be a better person by working alongside Batman). Originally started as an in-character, real time blog, but I’ve decided to write it up as a story in itself now that’s I haven’t worked on it for several months and everything since the story kind of got completed. This version will have some small differences in dialogue to fix some small plot holes I didn’t resolve in the original blog and just to expand on scenes some more.***On hiatus until I get a proper grasp on managing my writing projects again**





	1. Let’s Kick This Road Trip Into High Gear!

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ To Florida ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/to%20florida/chrono)

July 1st, 2017

* * *

The Arkham prison transfer bus pulled in right at 10:30 in the morning, carrying, among others, the villains Harley Quinn, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, the Penguin, and the Riddler. Each of the passengers were dressed in the orange jumpsuits as per the usual for Arkham’s inmates. The group sat together in the far back of the bus, trying to avoid the other passengers entirely. The driver of the bus would glance up at the rearview mirror every once in a while to check on them while he drove as they tried to take up as much space in the back seats as possible.

The driver pulled the lever of the door as the Arkham guards stepped up to the bus. The one who had accompanied the bus got up from the seat next to the driver’s up at the front and stepped back into the main section.

“Alright, everyone off. Single file. Don’t try anything.” He shouted. With a groan, the prisoners obliged, standing up from their seats and making their way into the middle walkway of the bus. It wasn’t that long of a vehicle since it was one of those white shuttle buses, so the guard stepped out of the bus to monitor them as they got off.

Harley, Selina, Pamela, Oswald, and Ed came to the front, but the driver held up a hand to stop them.

“Not you guys. Go sit back down.” The driver said. His voice was familiar to them, but just a bit off like it was a bad attempt at disguising it. The group looked to him. It looked like he was wearing a bad disguise too. The black hair under his cap didn’t seem real, and his skin seemed just too pale.

“What?” Selina asked, giving him a look.

“What are you talking about?” Ed asked.

“We’re headed somewhere else.” The vocal disguise of the driver was faltering, and a smile could easily be heard in his voice by the group. A suspicion of who it was creeped up in them to varying response.

Harley grinned up at the driver and raised an eyebrow. “Where are we goin’?”

One of the guards stepped up into the bus to see what the hold up was. The driver got up from his seat, spun around, and threw off the hat and wig towards the door, temporarily distracting the guard. Standing before the group was the exact person they expected it to be, and unmistakable with the pale skin, green hair, and bright red smile.

“We’re going on a road trip!” The Joker said.

At this point, the guard had chucked the wig and hat out the door and turned back to the Joker. “What’s going on?!”

“The bus is leaving, and you don’t seem to have the proper ticket. Sorry, but you can’t ride today!” Without missing a beat, the Joker planted his foot right in the middle of the guard’s chest and pushed him out the door. The Joker then spun back around and slammed the door shut before leaping back into the driver’s seat and shooting a glance back to the others. “Let’s go!”

 

None of the group expected this to happen, and though initial reactions were rather pleased with this development as it meant they wouldn’t be going to Arkham, the secondary reactions were mixed.

Pamela had the most negative reaction. It wasn’t yet at the point of fury (that would come later), but it certainly wasn’t too happy. A road trip was fine, but with the Joker? She’d rather die. Or kill him. Preferably kill him. Only kill him, not herself. She wanted him to die.

However, that was a normal reaction to him from her.

Oswald didn’t exactly care at all about who he was going on the road trip with. As long as he wasn’t going to Arkham he was fine.

Ed and Selina had about the same reaction - total enthusiasm followed by a slight bit of concern. Money was potentially an issue since Selina had none, Harley had next to none, Pamela also had next to none, the Joker hadn’t had any money in about a year, and both Ed and Oswald didn’t have access to any at the moment since everything was confiscated from them by police before they were shipped to Arkham. It was something to bring up in a bit at least, after some other questions were asked that is. But all in all, the two were excited to be on a road trip with their friends and get away from Gotham for a bit.

Harley made [ a blog ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com). A blog that she then forced everyone else to join as well (since they managed to sneak their phones past police when everything else was getting confiscated) so they could document their journey together. A blog that Ed quickly made sure couldn’t be tracked or accessed by the Gotham City police (something he’d done plenty of times before on other projects he needed to work on online.)

But no one was truly outright protesting to the road trip, which is why everything following this inciting event happened.

In essence, it was all their faults.

 

“So where are we going?” Selina asked to the Joker, leaning up against the metal wall behind the driver’s seat that separated it from the rest of the vehicle. There was also one behind the passenger seat that Oswald sat in.

“Florida!” He said, for once trying to be a safe driver and not taking his eyes off the road as he talked. “It’ll take about 18 hours to get there, so the cops should be off our tails by the time we get there.”

“Then why aren’t we on the highway yet?” She asked.

“We’ve got a couple stops first.” He said.

She cocked her head. “Isn’t that a little risky?”

“We’re going to the worst part of the city to visit a Wal-Mart.” He shrugged and smiled. “We’ll be perfectly safe. And besides, there’s no cops there or else the crime would actually stop there.”

She laughed and stared out the front window. The traffic was light for this time of day and since they were headed down some back streets, there weren’t that many people around. Hopefully the police wouldn’t get after them too quick.

“What are we getting at Wal-Mart?” She asked.

“Clothes, snacks, anything else we need.” He shrugged again. “Plus we’ve got to get the bus repainted.”

“And _how_ are we going to pay for it?” She asked with a smile, leaning closer to him and making his smile grow as he leaned away. “Did you rob Batman before you left his place or something?”

While she had a feeling he wouldn’t have, she didn’t want to yet put it past him. For about a year or so at this point, the Joker had been working with Batman to try and be a not so awful person anymore. He helped out with catching criminals and was even having to stay with Batman so Batman could monitor his behavior and keep him on a good path (granted, this was also because Oswald had blown up the Joker’s warehouse after he found out the Joker was working with Batman, but that’s in the past.) It shocked the group that he was actually sticking pretty faithfully to the notion of being a better person, but they still sat on the edge just waiting for him to fall back to his old ways, though that feeling grew less and less each day. However, there’s a good chance this stunt was going to skyrocket their beliefs back to the forefront. After all, he did just sort of break his friends out of jail to go on a road trip. Selina had a _strong_ feeling Batman wouldn’t and didn’t approve, provided the Joker actually told him about it.

She also had a strong feeling that he didn’t.

“Already talked about it with him.” Oswald said, looking out the side window. “I’ll be paying for everything except gas. I’ve got a henchman who’s going to meet up with us at the Wal-Mart so I can get some cash and my cards.”

“When’d you talk about it?” She asked, glancing back as the others made their way up to the front as well. Harley, leaned up across from her against the wall behind Oswald. Pamela leaned against the metal railing by the steps and Ed sat down at the seat closest to the front.

“When you were all setting up that blog.” He replied.

“So who’s paying for gas then?” Selina asked, turning to Oswald.

“That’s your guys’s job.” He said.

“There’s no way in hell you’re gonna make me pay for the gas for this bus. I didn’t even agree to this trip.” Pamela said, jumping up from the railing she leaned against.

“Congrats, Ivy. You’re the first to pay.” Oswald said, getting a laugh from the Joker in the process (though that was never quite hard.)

Pamela furrowed her brows and stared at him slack jawed for a moment. “What?!”

“You heard me. Joker and I decided whoever swears has to pay for gas. We’ve also decided to implement a swear jar that’ll go towards the gas, too.” He said, then gave a slight glance back towards her, though not entirely. “You’re welcome.”

“And what if I don’t pay?” She set her hands on her hips.

“We’ll turn you over to the police.”

She let out an aggravated sigh and walked off towards the seats. “I hate everything and I hate you both so much.”

“That’s the spirit.” Oswald said.

 

They dropped the bus off at the shop, and the Joker told the group that it’d take about an hour to get it repainted and license plates changed. Outside, Ed stood with Selina while everyone else was finishing up getting everything with the bus organized. He turned to her.

“Do you think we’re going to get caught?” He asked.

She looked at him. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know.” He said with a shrug. “I mean it’s not like we just got here with a stolen Arkham transfer bus and are in our bright orange jumpsuits from Arkham. It’s not totally not obvious or anything.”

She stared at him for a second longer, then glanced around the dingy, decrepit streets and buildings around them.

“With the part of Gotham we’re in right now, I think it’d be weirder if we weren’t in these.” She said

He paused. “Good point.”

Once everyone else got out of the shop (aside from the Joker, as he decided to stay with the bus until it was done), the group headed down the trash filled street to the busted up Wal-Mart waiting for them like a hopeful beacon of mediocrity and low prices. Oswald’s henchman had already met up with them and gotten Oswald what he needed, so now it was just a matter of getting it all together.

Pamela started tagging along behind Selina for a while in the store, looking ever so aggravated. Selina raised an eyebrow at her while going through the snack aisle. Pamela didn’t even look at her, instead glaring at a bag of pretzels.

“I hate everything about this trip.” Pamela said, then pressed her forehead against the metal shelf and glared down at the pretzels even harder. “And by everything I mean Joker. I hate him.”

Selina was used to this from Pamela. Pamela and the Joker had never gotten along, and she had no doubt that wasn’t going to get fixed from the trip.

Selina turned back to the bags of chips in front of her, turning some over to try and figure out what to get. “Any specific reason why? Besides the paying for gas thing.”

“I hate him for every reason.” She said.

“That’s fair.” Selina said.

On the other side of the store was Ed and Harley who were in charge of getting drinks. Harley sat in the cart with her legs hanging out the side, wearing a pair of sunglasses that still had the tags on them while Ed pulled it along behind him. As Harley was looking over the choices in front of her, Ed checked over the blog on his phone.

“I’m surprised Joker hasn’t started harassing Pamela on the blog yet.” He said.

“Oh, he’s not on there yet. I didn’t wanna bother him with it while he was drivin’.” She said, pushing one of the soda packs back on the shelf with her foot. “Grab that one.”

Ed slipped his phone back in the pocket of his jumpsuit and pulled the box off the shelf. “It wouldn’t have taken long. It took the rest of us basically no time at all.”

Harley looked over at him and pulled the sunglasses down from her eyes as he set the soda on the bottom rack of the cart. “You try explainin’ how to download an app to the world’s most technologically inept man. Please, I beg you to. I’m dreading trying to do it myself.” She pushed the sunglasses back up and let her head dangle back over the edge of the cart she leaned against. “Oh, and then try to explain what blogging means.”

Ed straightened himself up and started pulling the cart again. “Oh right. I’m so sorry you have to do that.”

“It’s the burden I gotta bear when dealin’ with our favorite idiot.” She said.

An hour later, Pamela had broken off from Selina to go get what all she wanted from the store. Selina had made her way up to the registers and had everything already on the conveyor. With the look the cashier gave her, she figured there was no reason for small talk, so she instead sent a message to Oswald.

_Hey Oz, get to the registers I’m ready to pay_

_-Selina_

_(1 JUL 2017 11:59PM)_

Soon enough afterwards, Oswald showed up at the register. Before he even made a motion to go for his wallet, he looked over everything Selina was buying.

“Why are you buying a giant cat bed?” He asked, staring at the gray and white pet bed he knew was for a dog but had a feeling she would take offense if he called it that.

“Feel it.” She said, leaning against her cart with a hand on her hip and a subtle enough smile. He gave her a glance and then touched the pet bed. It was honestly the softest thing he had ever felt.

He took his hand back, shook his head, and pulled his wallet out. “I’m never questioning your purchases again.”

“Damn straight, son.” Selina smiled at him, not looking to Harley and Ed as they pulled up to the checkout line as well.

“That’s a dollar for the swear jar, Selina!” Harley said, dropping the pile of snack packages and other things in her arms onto the conveyor with a _thud_.

Selina frowned. “Heck.”

Oswald glanced over to everything Harley just dropped on the conveyor as she turned to help Ed pull out more from the cart.

“Harley,” he started, not looking away from the tower of blue cookie packages that crept their way down the line. “Why are you buying 6 packs of double stuffed Oreos?”

She turned to him with a smile and raised eyebrows. “Why aren’t _you_ buying 6 packs of double stuffed Oreos?”

“You know, technically he is.” Ed said with a glance up at her.

She glared at him. “Well technically you’re a nerd.”

He dropped the final item on the conveyor. “Wow. Such an intense burn. I’ll never recover from that as long as I live.”

She glared harder at him. “Shut up, Eddie.”

He glared back. “Make me.”

Within an instant, Harley was chasing after him through the Wal-Mart. Pamela watched them fly past her as she made her way to the front as well. With a grin, she turned back on her path, pulling out her phone and writing up on the blog:

_You better run faster than that, Eddie. Harley did track in highschool._

_-Pamela_

_(1 JUL 2017 12:22PM)_

Soon enough after she got to check out, she got the reply:

_She may have done track but I did cross country_

_There’s no way she could follow me - WAIT THERE SHE IS_

_-Eddie_

_(1 JUL 2017 12:27PM)_

She shook her head and laughed as she waited for her items to get scanned. Oswald stood by and waited to pay for it all like he had with the rest of the supplies. In the meantime, he glanced over to Selina, who was leaning against her cart and playing on her phone as Harley and Ed’s cart sat nearby.

“Selina, go catch the sprinting idiots and make them carry our stuff to the bus. It should be done by now.” He said. Selina dismissed it with a wave and didn’t look up from her phone. He shot her a glare but she didn’t notice.

“That was kind of fast for a whole paint job.” Pamela said, leaning over the handle of Harley and Ed’s cart with her arms crossed.

“They were just covering up the Arkham logo on the sides and someone else was switching up the licence plates.” He said, swiping his card through the machine. “Not that hard to do for this specific shop. Plus, I’ve done business with them before and they know I want things done quick or else they won’t ever be doing any kind of business again.”

Pamela watched him for a moment. “You know sometimes I think you get a little too big headed with all this power you’ve got over the city’s underbelly.”

“If I didn’t we wouldn’t have any money to pay for all this, would we?” He said, shooting her a glance. She shrugged.

 

Pamela stared at the bus while the Joker and Selina carried things onto it (of course, this was just the stuff everyone except Harley and Ed had bought. They left that all back at the Wal-Mart for them to get themselves.) It was repainted that’s for sure. Except, this was not what she was expecting. This wasn’t what she was expecting at all.

“Oswald,” she started. He turned to her, but she didn’t tear her eyes from the bus. “Why are there flames on the side of the bus?”

He glanced at the bus, then back to her. It seemed fine to him. “I just told you, they were covering up the logo.”

She looked at him with wide eyes and threw up her hands. “I thought you meant they were painting it white like the rest of the bus!”

The Joker leapt over from the now empty cart with the last bag in his hand and jumped into the bus, then addressed the three standing outside of it.

“Can’t you see Pamela?” He asked in as loud of a voice as ever. “We’re burning the bridges of our past!”

Selina broke out in a cackle and Pamela groaned as Oswald headed onto the bus after him. The Joker stuck his head out one of the windows and pointed to the women.

“Also we’re leaving in five minutes and if you’re not on the bus we’re leaving without you.” He said. In response, Selina bounded onto the bus as well. Pamela shook her head and pointed back to the Wal-Mart.

“Did you see how far Harley chased Eddie? And they’ve still got to carry their stuff back to the bus.” She said.

Selina leaned out the open bus door. “You know you could help them.”

“You know you could too.” Pamela crossed her arms.

“I’m already on the bus.” She replied in a singsong voice, then disappeared back into the vehicle. Pamela rolled her eyes and let out a huff before rushing off back to the Wal-Mart.

 

Not too long later, the six were on the road again, which they were quite thankful for as they heard police sirens approaching right as they pulled out of the auto shop.

Of course, being the villains they were, that’s never where the trouble ends.

Ed took over the driving from the shop and was going to for a few more hours until he noticed a new problem as they approached the near standstill traffic leading to the bridge they were taking out of Gotham: there were dozens of officers checking each vehicle that passed, no doubt for them.

The Joker looked around at the police from his slouched position in the passenger seat, then gave a ‘we might be screwed’ grin to Ed. Ed gave a worried expression of his own, then turned back to the rest of the bus.

“Pamela, you need to get to the front.” He shouted back. “We need your expertise.”

“Which expertise?” She shouted back, not moving from where she laid in her seat next to Harley. The question sparked a laugh out of the Joker.

Ed ignored it. “There’s a bunch of police checking all the vehicles that are going over the bridge and we’re gonna need you to get us past them.”

She stood up from her seat and pointed up to Ed. “Tell Joker I heard him laughing at me and if he does it again I’m never going to help him again. I’ll be up in a second.”

Ed turned to the Joker who was still smiling, though seemed less worried than before. “You heard her.”

“Of course I did.” He said. Pamela walked up to the front and motioned for the two to head to the back.

“Get up. You two will just make it harder.” She said with a glare at the Joker. “Or at least _you_ will.”

He threw up his hands in defense and shrugged, but did follow Ed out of their seats to the back of the bus. She glanced back at the rest of the passengers before taking the driver’s seat.

“Everyone get down. This’ll be easier if all you weirdos hide.” She said. The others did just that, and she particularly noticed how, while most just sat down on the floor under the windows, the Joker had curled himself up under one of the seats. Boy, it seemed uncomfortable to her and boy, she reveled in his misery of choosing that position.

“And don’t move until I say you can.” She added with a smile, then took her seat right as traffic started to move again.

It was easy to get by the officers. She’d fooled plenty in the past before with her pheromones, so this was no big deal. But she made sure to drag it out for as long as possible - flirting with them, assuring them she wasn’t Poison Ivy, that this wasn’t the bus they were looking for, and that she hadn’t even heard of anyone escaping Arkham. She even told them she’d keep an eye out for anyone suspicious. Her story wasn’t even that convincing; it’s just that her pheromones were so effective on men like them. But she wanted it to last for as long as she could make it. It wasn’t until some other officers started taking notice that she finally pulled away.

Halfway down the bridge she said: “Alright, we’re good to go.”

The rest of the passengers got up from the floor and glared up at her.

“You certainly took your sweet time.” Ed shouted up to her.

She glanced up at him in the rearview mirror with a slight smile. “Joker decided to hide in the most impractical and uncomfortable place in the bus. I was going to make that last for as long as possible.”

“Nice going, J.” Selina said to the Joker.

The Joker paused to think before responding. “I was going to say that it’s not my fault she’s got a grudge against me but then I realized how wrong I’d be.”

 

Once past the bridge, the Joker took over driving again, ignoring the fact that Ed was planning to do it himself. Oswald sat up in the seat closest to the front to chat with them while Selina and the others were busy getting everything they bought organized in the back.

“We’re going to head through Metropolis on the way to Florida.” The Joker said, glancing out the side window for a split second before looking back to the road ahead.

Oswald raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

The Joker glanced up at him in the rearview mirror. “Because no one would expect us to! It’d throw all the people on our trail off and we’d be good to go. Why would a bunch of wanted criminals drive through _Superman’s_ city to get away? It’s genius.”

“I think that’s going to put more attention on us.” Oswald replied. “Not to mention it’s out the way anyway.”

The Joker waved a dismissive hand. “It’ll be fine.”

“You’re not even on the right road to get to Metropolis.” Ed said, looking at the highway around them.

“This’ll get them even more off our tail, then.” The Joker said.

“You could just use a map.”

He waved another dismissive hand. “It’ll be _fine_. I know what I’m doing.”

Oswald crossed his arms and glanced out the side window. The Joker was either going to get them lost on accident, or more likely, as Oswald though, on purpose. He had no doubt in his mind that the Joker getting second thoughts about the whole idea. Up until this point, he had been really good at sticking with Batman’s reformation plan, and to just ditch it like this was probably eating away at him.

The Joker’s phone started to ring in the cupholder he had set it in and he ignored it completely. After a couple rings, Ed said something, but the Joker ignored that too, though gave the phone a glance.

Oswald glanced at the phone from where he sat. It probably didn’t list who was calling - the Joker had never figured out how to put contacts into his phone - but Oswald had a hunch about who it was.

The phone continued to ring, then stopped. Then started, and stopped again. With the next ring starting up, Harley shouted to the front: “Who’s phone keeps goin’ off? It’s gettin’ aggravating.”

“It’s Joker’s.” Ed shouted back.

“Can you please tell him to answer it? Or did he forget how?” She asked. She didn’t intend for it to sound patronizing since she had actually seen him forget how to answer a phone before.

The Joker picked up the phone and shifted in his seat, giving the road a glance before turning back to the bus and chucking his phone back. It flew across the vehicle and smacked into Selina’s seat right in front of her.

“Ed!” She shouted. “Tell Joker to watch where he throws things! His phone almost hit me in the face.”

Ed spoke to the Joker, the Joker spoke back, then Ed turned back to Selina. “He said sorry!”

Selina picked up the phone from the seat and answered it after this.

During this whole experience, Pamela hadn’t been paying attention. She was too busy with the 10 cacti she bought from Wal-Mart to give a care about anything. Harley was leaning over the seat in front of her watching and rambling about how frustrating the Joker could be sometimes (after she had yelled about the phone, that is.)

Pamela only took notice when Selina shouted “Stop trying to track us you stalker” into the phone and then threw it back to the front for Ed to snatch out of the air before it could break through the windshield. She glanced over to Selina.

“What happened?” She asked.

“Batman called.” Selina said.

“Of course he did.” Pamela let out an aggravated sigh. She leaned out of the seat into the walkway and shouted up to the front. “And nice catch, Ed! That was actually kind of impressive.”

“Thank you for noticing one of my many, many talents.” He shouted back with a smile.

“The other ones include being a nerd.” Harley said, receiving a glare from Ed in response. She stuck her tongue out at him.

Selina got up from where she sat, leaning on the seat in front of her and setting her knee on the seat of her own. “I think we should probably shut off our phones for a bit so that way we’ve got less of a chance of Batman tracking us.”

The other passengers then responded with the united cry of “Agreed.”

 

An hour or so later, Harley finally decided to give in and show the Joker how to get on the blog once Oswald had taken over driving. At first, it went fine, but that’s because Harley was the one in control of the phone. She was the one who downloaded the app and got him onto the account and everything.

It all fell apart when she gave the phone back to him.

Question after question came from the Joker. He almost deleted the app three times and almost deleted the blog itself twice. He could hardly read what was on it after screwing up the settings on his phone and the app and had to use Harley’s glasses to see what he was doing. With every passing minute, Harley got more and more frustrated to the point she almost gave up and just told him to forget about the blog. But her urge to get everyone in on it, no matter how troublesome, overrode the rest of her feelings and she persisted with him. Not to mention she’d dealt with him in more frustrating situations before, and while there wasn’t anything major at stake here like those other times, she figured she could get through it. So with a deep breath, she showed him over and over again how it all worked.

After half an hour, he figured it out. With a thank you to Harley that she accepted with a tired smile, he managed to make a post.

_The trash goblin has arrived_

_-Joker_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:04PM)_

To which Pamela replied:

_No one wanted him in the first place_

_-Pamela_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:05PM)_

And thus came the first discussion on the Joker’s self deprecating humor.

_Don’t be rude to the trash goblin, he’s already struggling with so much_

_-Selina_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:07PM)_

_Yeah, he’s a trash goblin, they have such hard lives_

_-Eddie_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:08PM)_

_Like, no one likes trash goblins, but they want so desperately to be loved_

_-Selina_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:09PM)_

_Why did I bring any of you along_

_-Joker_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:10PM)_

_Because you love us and like having other people drive long distances_

_-Selina_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:10PM)_

_Well, you’re right about one of those things_

_-Joker_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:11PM)_

_It’s probably the driving thing_

_-Eddie_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:14PM)_

_It’s definitely the driving thing_

_-Selina_

_(1 JUL 2017 5:38PM)_

***

It was close to midnight. They all had changed out of their jumpsuits and into the clothes they bought a few hours before then, leaving the orange beacon-like outfits in the trash at the gas station they stopped at. The only light in the bus came from the cars passing by on the highway outside and Harley’s phone as she laid back on her seat to watch some videos to help her fall asleep. Oswald and Pamela were both already asleep in their own seats and Selina was sitting up in her seat with her chin on the back of the one in front of her. She stared up at the front of the bus where Ed sat driving and the Joker with him to both keep him company and awake through the night.

She sighed. The Joker had been wide awake the whole day and it worried her. It wasn’t that she thought he was going to fall asleep while trying to keep Ed up, but more that he wouldn’t go to sleep at all, and she certainly didn’t think it was on purpose. She had little doubt it was his anxiety acting up. Thanks to Batman, he had been doing really well with being a better person and trying to help people and everything. But now just up and ditching Batman to run off with his criminally inclined friends? He had to be freaking out over it.

She rested her cheek on the seat and glanced out the window. Hopefully he’d be better in the morning. Maybe he’d get really tired then and go to sleep.

With another glance up to the front, she shifted to lay down on her seat, stretching her legs across the aisle to rest them on the seat across from her. Harley scooted forward a bit to let Selina have room and put her own feet on Selina’s seat just in front of her. Soon enough, Selina went to sleep.


	2. The Sunshine State (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang arrive in Florida and get as settled in as they can.

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Florida ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/florida/chrono)

July 2nd, 2017

* * *

 

At four in the morning, Ed had Pamela take over driving. She took the driver’s seat and glared over to the Joker who was still wide awake in the passenger seat.

“Don’t talk to me.” She said.

“Okay.” He said.

And they drove for three hours straight in total silence.

But even in the silence her anger for him grew. He didn’t look at her once, preferring to stare out the window instead. He hardly moved from his seat. He didn’t eat, he didn’t make a sound, he didn’t do anything. The lack of action made her even angrier. What a great job he was doing to make sure she stayed awake. He was obviously the best person for the job, wasn’t he?

She ignored the fact she told him not to talk, because in reality, she just wanted to be mad at him. And he didn’t blame her, which made her even more mad.

 

At seven in the morning, they arrived at a hotel. It was full.

Five minutes later, they arrived at another hotel. It was full.

Again, five minutes later, they arrived at a hotel. It was full.

Five minutes. Hotel. Full.

Five minutes. Hotel. Full.

Five minutes. Hotel. Full.

Five minutes. Hotel. Full.

Five minutes. Hotel. Pamela didn’t care anymore.

She leaned onto the counter of whatever hotel they stopped at - she didn’t even catch the name - and looked the man at the desk dead in the eyes. A sickeningly sweet smell of hibiscus surrounded the two of them while her road trip compatriots stayed back at the opposite wall, all almost asleep on each other’s shoulders. Most of the time when Pamela used her pheromones, she’d do it in small doses to keep discrete, and she’d try to sound the least bit alluring when she spoke. Today, she was too tired.

“Rooms. Second floor. Now.” She snapped.

The man at the desk was lovestruck and gave her two rooms, free of charge. She snatched up the key cards and dragged everyone up to their rooms where everyone promptly fell right asleep.

 

A few hours later and they were up again. After having brought everything up to their respective rooms - one for the girls, the other for the guys - they talked through the plan.

They’d stay in Florida for a few days before heading off to some other state. They all hoped no one in Florida had figured out who they were yet or chose to report them. Of course, it would have been funny if they were just relaxing on the beach and Aquaman just showed up to arrest them. But granted, only a little funny.

“I’d probably punch him in the face.” Pamela said after it was brought up.

For today, though, they were just going to relax on the beach and in their rooms to help get them to unwind after so much driving. They did quickly realize that in their rush back in Gotham, they hadn’t bought anything for the beach, so most agreed to head out to a nearby store to grab some things (most as in Pamela didn’t want to go, instead choosing to stay in the room with her plants.)

 

Selina wandered around the CVS while Harley and Ed picked through the aisles, dragging Oswald along to make sure they didn’t lose track of him when they were ready to pay. The Joker was...somewhere around. He was probably fine.

She pulled out her phone and scrolled through the blog before coming across the latest post.

_Where are you guys?_

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:31PM)_

Selina sighed. He must have gone back to the hotel without telling anyone. Or maybe he tried to and got lost on the way even though it was literally right across the highway.

_We’re still in CVS, where are you?_

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:32PM)_

_I’m still in CVS too but I can’t find you guys._

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:33PM)_

She cocked her head as she read the message. The store wasn’t that big, and the shelves weren’t that tall. They couldn’t be that hard to find. Not to mention the mirrors that were lined up against the ceiling so you could check through the aisles easily. She glanced over to those mirrors for a moment, then shook her head. He was just being an idiot. He had to be in there somewhere.

_How can you not find us?_

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:33PM)_

_I don’t know it’s like you disappeared_

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:33PM)_

She let out a low grumble and furiously typed her response. He was such an idiot.

_How do you get lost in a CVS?!_

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:34PM)_

_I don’t know! Please just help me find you instead of questioning my failures!_

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:35PM)_

Harley popped her head into the aisle Selina stood in.

“We’re goin’ up to the registers!” She said.

“Okay, great.” Selina said, brow still furrowed as she headed after her and sent out another message to the Joker.

_We’re over by the registers_

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:36PM)_

After catching up to Harley at checkout, Selina asked her and the rest of the group who were already up there: “Have you guys seen Joker?”

They glanced at each other while the cashier swiped the items across the scanner, then they turned back to her with their answer of ‘No.’

She sighed. “Great.”

“I highly doubt he went far. We’re in CVS for crying out loud.” Ed said with a laugh.

“You’d be surprised.” Selina said as she turned back to her phone.

_Where’s that?_

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:38PM)_

_By the front._

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:38PM)_

_Which way is the front?_

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:39PM)_

Selina pressed the phone to her forehead, then sent:

_You know what, just stay where you are. I’ll come find you._

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:39PM)_

The group looked at her puzzled before she waved her phone dismissively to them and headed back off through the CVS.

“Be right back.” She said. “I’m going to go find Joker.”

And so she searched. Up and down each aisle, checking the mirrors overhead, checking each aisle again over and over and over. Ed, Harley, and Oswald waited for her up at the doors, but didn’t see a need to help. It was a CVS. He shouldn’t be that hard to find. But either the Joker wasn’t staying put or he wasn’t even in the CVS anymore.

Selina went back to her phone.

_J, seriously, where are you? I cannot find you anywhere._

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:53PM)_

_I don’t know. Like I really don’t know._

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:54PM)_

Another sigh from Selina.

_Just describe your surroundings to me_

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:54PM)_

_Well, there’s a lot of people, a bunch of yellow and red, a menu of some sorts._

_I found the registers though! But I still can’t find you guys._

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:56PM)_

She stared at the phone and blinked, before uttering a single quiet ‘what?’

_That doesn’t even sound like CVS._

_-Selina_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:57PM)_

_Look all I know is that I’m here._

_-Joker_

_(2 JUL 2017 12:57PM)_

Selina stared up at the ceiling. They could just leave him wherever he was at this point. She wouldn’t even be mad.

She went up to the front where the others were waiting and shoved her phone in Ed’s face, saying: “Figure it out.”

“Alright, alright, relax.” He said, taking the phone from her and reading over the messages. His eyebrow raised. “This doesn’t sound like CVS.”

“I know! So figure out where he is!” She said, extenuating her frustration with her hand.

Ed stared at the phone for a while longer, then turned and looked out the glass doors. He pointed to the McDonald’s across the street.

“I think he’s there.” He said, then turned back to Selina who just watched him for a couple seconds.

“You’re telling me,” she started, “That he walked over, across the street - that he literally _went outside_ \- and over to the McDonald’s without realizing it.”

He looked at her, letting a short pause go by before responding. “Yeah.”

She studied him for a few more moments, then snatched her phone back and headed out the door. “If your wrong I’m killing you.”

“But I’m not!” Ed called after her.

Within moments, she was across the street and yanking the doors to the McDonald’s open.

And right inside the building, of course, was the Joker, leaning up against an empty table and reading the menu behind the registers in front of him.

With no regards for any of the patrons, in the middle of the open doorway at the Joker who just then realized she was there, Selina shouted: “How did you end up in the McDonald’s across the street?!”

He jumped up from the table and threw his hands up. “I don’t know! I’m sorry!”

And she proceeded to drag him right out by his shirt collar and back to the rest of the group again.

 

“Harley,” Pamela started, staring down Harley as she and Selina wandered around their hotel room getting everything ready to go down to the beach. “You need to put on sunscreen.”

“I don’t wanna!” Harley whined with pleading eyes to Pamela. “I’m already the color of sunscreen so the sun’s not even gonna bother me.”

She had a point - her skin was as white as paper - but it was still skin. Pamela stared at her, not entertaining her attempts to avoid it even one bit. “Harley, would you rather be a tomato or a toasted marshmallow?”

Harley pouted and looked away from Pamela. “...a toasted marshmallow.”

Pamela handed her the tube of sunscreen. “Then put on the sunscreen.”

“Only if you go down to the beach with us!” Harley said, taking the sunscreen from her. Pamela groaned and rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Red!”

“Yeah, Pam,” Selina said, coming up behind Harley as Pamela crossed her arms and sat down on the bed next to the window. Selina, like Harley, was already dressed in a swimsuit, though she had the addition of a wrap around her waist and a tote bag over her shoulder. “You’re the plant lady, don’t you _want_ to spend a ton of time soaking up the sun?”

“I’ve got cacti to take care of.” Pamela said.

Selina and Harley both raised an eyebrow.

“Cacti are basically the sturdiest plants in the world and are _literally_ the only plant I can’t kill.” Selina said. “Just go down to the beach with us.”

Pamela let out a strained sigh of defeat. “Fine. But I won’t be happy about it.”

“You know sometimes you’re a buzzkill, Red.” Harley said as she started to apply the sunscreen to her arms. Pamela shot her a look, but let it dissipate quickly.

 

Selina, the Joker, and Oswald sat on a blanket under the dark blue canopy they set up on the beach, watching Harley, Pamela, and Ed searching in the water for shells. Selina leaned back on her elbows between the two who each sat upright next to her. She glanced to the Joker, then to Oswald, noticing the drinks in their hands.

“Where’d you get those?” She asked. The Joker pointed back at the hotel as he took a sip from margarita.

“Back there.” He said. “They’ve got a bar.”

“I kind of figured.” She laughed, then glanced back over to Oswald’s beer. He raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled up at him. “Simple.”

“And?” He asked.

“I want one now.” She turned back to the ocean.

“Go get one.” He said before taking a drink of the beer.

“I’m not walking all the way back there just for a drink.” She said. “I’ll make Ed do it.”

The three sat watching the others in silence for a little while. The sky was cloudless and the sun was out in full force, making both the sand and Harley almost blinding to look at. Selina had no doubt the Joker would’ve added to the glare, or he’d at least add to Pamela’s glares.

Selina looked over to the Joker again. “How many of those have you had?”

“One.” He said, glancing down to his drink. She raised an eyebrow and frowned at him, to which he held up his free hand in response. “I swear! Just one.”

“We only just found the bar when we got down here, Selina.” Oswald said, making her turn to him. “And I’ve been with him since we got back to the hotel, so I know he hasn’t gotten into any of the other alcohol yet.”

“But I will.” The Joker smiled as he took another drink. Selina shook her head and gave into a slight smile herself, looking back to the ocean again.

“So why’d you want to do a roadtrip all of the sudden?” She asked to the Joker, though didn’t turn her attention from the horizon.

“Oh you know.” He shrugged.

She glanced to him. “I obviously don’t.”

He shrugged again and took another drink. “Shame.”

Ed walked up to where the three sat and took a seat on the blanket next to the Joker. His legs were coated in sand that got kicked up when he walked and he started to brush it off.

“I don’t like sand.” He said as he cleaned his legs off.

“It’s coarse.” Selina said with a grin.

“And rough, and irritating.” The Joker said, leaning towards Ed with a smile of his own.

“And it gets everywhere.” Oswald said, following it up with a drink of his beer. Ed gave a look of disappointment to the three of them and shook his head as they just smiled in return.

“I hate you all.” He said.

“You’re the one who made us watch the Star Wars prequels.” Selina said.

“I didn’t make you do anything.” He said, turning to the ocean and resting his elbows on his knees. “And I can’t help that I was sick and you all still wanted to hang out.”

“At least it was better than anything Joker’s made us do when he was sick.” Oswald said.

The Joker looked over at him with a furrowed brow. “I thought you liked Clue.”

“I like the movie, not the boardgame.” Oswald said. “Especially not when we play with Ed.”

“I’m the master of Clue.” Ed said, still picking sand off his legs and searching for any parts he missed. The three watched him for a while as he kept at it.

“You know when we walk back to the room you’re going to get more sand on you.” Selina said.

“Not if I’m careful.” He said.

“That’s literally impossible and not going to work at all.” She said.

“Then I’ll make Joker carry me back.” He said.

“Fine by me.” The Joker said with a shrug in response.

“J, you’re a twig.” Selina lifted the margarita from the Joker’s hands and took a drink from it herself, receiving no protest from him. “You can’t even carry Harley that well and she’s like, half a foot shorter than you almost.”

“Harley’s also made of pure muscle and strength.” The Joker said. “That counts for something.”

“Yeah, it counts for the fact that she’s the one who’d always have to save you two if you got trapped anywhere.” Oswald said, glancing over to the Joker who shot him back a sneer.

“I saved us sometimes.” The Joker said. “Just with my brains, not my brawn.”

“Sure.” Oswald said. The Joker continued to frown at him.

The group turned their attention once again to the beach. Of course, focusing their attention there almost made them completely ignore the man running down the beach towards them. That same man then burst through their set up and snatched Harley’s bag from the pile of stuff they had behind them. The man sprinted away and it took the four a bit to realize what happened.

“What the hell?” Ed said as they glanced back at the bags and everything else in the knocked over pile. He met the look the Joker shot him, then the two jumped up and sprinted off after the thief. Selina busted out into laughter once they ran off, getting Oswald to crack a smile from her reaction alone.

“What are you laughing at?” He asked as she almost fell over and spilled the Joker’s margarita she still held from laughing so hard.

She pointed at them and spoke between cackles. “They just…! I just…! There they go!”

Oswald shook his head and kept up his smile. “You’re weird, Selina.”

“It’s like watching a piece of chalk with legs and a praying mantis running together and it’s making me lose my mind.” She sat up and put a hand to her forehead to try and get herself to calm down. “It’s so funny.”

Oswald gave a small laugh of his own as he watched the two still running after the man through the crowds and families on the beach. He took a drink of his beer and looked back to Selina who was busy typing away on her phone with her free hand.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Putting it on the blog.” She said, still smiling.

“You know Ed’s gonna see it, right? And he’s gonna be mad you’re making fun of him.” Oswald said.

Selina shook her head and took a sip of the Joker’s margarita. “He left his phone in his room so he can’t argue with me about it until later anyway. And he’ll probably forget about it by then.”

Oswald shrugged and turned back to where the Joker and Ed had run off to, spotting the pair returning with Harley’s bag and both covered in sand that Ed was trying so hard to brush off of himself again. They probably tackled the guy for it.

“Whatever you say.” Oswald said.

 

A while later, the whole group went out for dinner to a nearby restaurant. As soon as Harley found out the place had unlimited shrimp, her goal was to make the place go bankrupt by eating it all. This goal was soon heightened by the fact that they all decided to get the unlimited shrimp together. They didn’t achieve the plan, but Harley assumed they got close with how much they ate.

Afterwards, the group returned to their hotel. Pamela, Selina, and Ed were in the girls’ room relaxing when Harley finally showed up with Oswald and the Joker after going down to the bar for a bit.

“J and I are gonna take a walk on the beach and look for some more shells, anyone wanna come?” She asked, peeking her head through the open door after Oswald had walked in. The Joker was waiting in the hallway to try and keep away from Pamela.

Selina, from the far bed she laid on, didn’t move and shouted back to Harley over the noise of the TV she and Ed were watching. “I’m surprised you even want to move after all the shrimp you ate.”

“Why would you want to spend any time around him, like, at all?” Pamela asked with a look to Harley as Oswald took a seat on the bed next to her and her cacti.

Harley frowned and glance back to the Joker in the hallway, who just shrugged back at her. She looked back to Pamela. “Because he’s the one who’s taking us on this trip! And you know how hard he’s been trying to be better.”

Before Pamela could give a retort, Harley cut in with: “You can come with us if it’ll make you feel better.”

Pamela stared at her for a while, then let out a sigh and shook her head. “Fine.”

After telling Oswald not to mess with her plants and that she’d know if he did, she got up off the bed and headed down to the beach with Harley and the Joker.

 

About an hour and a half after that, the three came back to the room, the Joker entering first with a huge grin on his face.

“Well, well, well,” he started, piquing Ed, Selina, and Oswald’s curiosity and turning them from their conversation. “I know who’s paying for the next 3 gas stations.”

“Go to hell, Joker.” Pamela snapped, walking into the room behind him and making a beeline for her cacti to check them. Harley wandered in behind them, quietly pulling the seashells from her pockets and putting them with the others on the dresser that held the TV and mini fridge.

The Joker put his hands on his hips and turned to Pamela, still with a smile. “Now did I say you?”

Pamela set down the tiny cactus in her hand and glared at him. “Unless I went deaf and Harley pulled out a line of swears longer than what I said to you, of course you mean me.”

The Joker looked at her wide eyed as he crossed his arms across his chest. “How very true! By the way,” he narrowed his eyes and kept his smile. “You owe $20 to the swear jar.”

“Of course you kept track.” She said with a sneer.

He shrugged. “Of course! I need to keep you all in check if we’re going to get the bus properly fueled.”

She set a hand on her hip. “Oh like you’re never going to have to pay.”

“Of course not.” He put a hand to his chest. “I’m a saint. I would never let that kind of language cross my innocent tongue.”

The sentence got a laugh out of Harley that made the Joker smile wider and Pamela glare at him harder.

“I hate you so much.” She said.

“Well that makes two of us.” He said, which made Harley’s laughing come to a quick but quiet end. Oswald glanced over to her. Someone would need to use the lull in the argument to switch the subject as soon as possible before things could potentially get out of hand.

“Harley,” Oswald started. “Remind me to pick up stuff for sunburns tomorrow.”

She turned to him as the Joker moved to the opposite end of the room from Pamela and over to where Selina and Ed were. “Why?”

“Go look in a mirror.” He said.

Harley hesitated for a second, then stepped into the bathroom. In a moment, she returned with a sheepish grin, though it was hard to tell if she was blushing or if it was the sunburn that scorched her shoulders, arms, and face.

“Whoops.” She said.

“I thought Pam told you to put sunscreen on?” Selina asked from where she laid on the bed, still having not moved since the others first left earlier.

“I did!” Harley said, crossing her arms.

Pamela raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t reapply, did you?”

Harley’s grin twisted, though still kept strong. “...No.”

Pamela shook her head. “And now you’re a tomato.”

“Well, hey, you should be happy with that. You like veggies!” Harley smiled. Pamela shrugged and went back to her cacti, making Harley lose her smile.


	3. The Sunshine State (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Florida shenanigans, now featuring lots of alcohol

* * *

Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Florida ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/florida/chrono)

July 3rd, 2017

* * *

The gang was down at the hotel’s complimentary breakfast area getting exactly that. Harley had herself stationed at the waffle maker and had been there for almost 15 minutes making waffle after waffle to pile on her plate. Ed stood by and stared with his own plate in his hands.

“Harley,” he said as she pulled the waffle from the machine and started to pour more mix in for the next one. “It’s called a complimentary breakfast, not a buffet. You can’t just eat five waffles at once, there’s other people at this hotel.”

She looked at him with a arched eyebrow and set a hand on her hip before motioning with her free hand to the walls around them. “Do you see any waffle limit signs?”

Ed gave a glance around. “I mean, no.”

She shut the top of the waffle maker and flipped it over. “Then hush up and let me eat my waffles.”

Meanwhile, Selina and the Joker were already sat down at a table and had been there for a while. Selina had already finished her breakfast and was cradling a cup of coffee in her hands while the Joker finished up his own meal.

“So,” she started. “What’d Pamela say to you on the beach yesterday that racked up so much cash for the swear jar?”

The Joker shook his head and spoke between bites. “It’s not important, Selina.”

“You sure?” She asked, taking a sip of her coffee. “She seemed pretty riled up last night when you all got back.”

“She’s always riled up when she’s around me. You know how much she hates me.” He said.

She shrugged. “Yeah, but she doesn’t yell at you that often.”

He gave another quick shake of his head as he ate. “I didn’t say she yelled.”

“I figured it was implied.” Selina said.

“Look, Selina.” He glanced up to her. “It’s no big deal. All that matters is that it was said. Just leave it alone.”

“I just wanna know what was said.” She said, setting her cup down and meeting his eyes.

Again he shook his head, then stood up from the table with his plate, ready to throw it away. “All you need to know is that things were said and she was right.”

He walked off to the trashcan and then off to the elevators, leaving Selina behind to just toss up her hands in confusion as she stared with narrowed eyes after him. Ed and Harley sat down at the table after him, Harley just barely managing to keep her waffle tower intact. She glanced back to the Joker as he left.

“Is he already done?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Selina said, taking another drink of her coffee as the other two started to eat. She turned to Harley. “Hey, what did Pamela say to J on the beach yesterday?”

Harley hesitated and shook her head, eyes focused on her waffles as she sawed through them. “It’s not important, Kitty. Just that Red went a little overboard and was in the wrong about it all.”

Selina watched her for a second, Ed doing the same. She then glanced back to the elevators that the Joker had disappeared into.

 

A few hours later and everyone was hanging out in the guys’ room watching whatever movie they had flipped to. Pamela searched through the bag of snacks on the chair by the TV while everyone else relaxed on the beds. She pulled out one of Harley’s packages of Oreos, paused after seeing it half eaten, then went back through the bag to count the others.

“Did we go through two things of Oreos already?” She asked, still looking through the bag to make sure. “And by ‘we’ I mean Harley?”

“Why are you gettin’ into my stash?” Harley asked from where she sat on the bed, shoving the Oreos from the package sitting on the nightstand next to her into her mouth. She then nudged Oswald with her elbow. “And it’s fine, Oz said he’ll buy me more when I eat all those.”

“I was going to take some down to the beach with us.” Pamela looked back at Oswald. “Oz, don’t feed her sugar addiction anymore.”

Oswald had his arms crossed as he laid back on the bed between Harley and Ed where he glared over to Pamela. “Don’t tell me how to spend my money, Pamela. If Harley wants sugar I’ll buy her sugar.”

Harley smiled at him, as did Selina who sat in a chair next to the bed with her foot propped up on the Joker’s crossed legs where he sat in front of Ed. She added: “Brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘sugar daddy.’”

Everyone but Pamela burst into laughter, with Harley throwing her arms in the air and shouting: “Penguin’s my sugar daddy!”

Pamela shook her head and stared off at the door in disbelief, only choosing to speak once the laughter died down.

“Alright,” she said, starting to move for the door. “I’m walking into the ocean. It wasn’t nice knowing any of you. I’m full heartedly accepting my watery grave.” She paused at the door and waved back to the group. “Goodbye.”

“Finally, we are free of the she demon.” The Joker said as Pamela opened the door and stepped through. There was a pause, then the door opened up again and she walked back in.

“Change of plans, I’m not going to the ocean. I’ve found new purpose in life.” She stopped in the center of the room and pointed at the Joker with a glare. “I’m back to beat the last living daylights out of Joker.”

“Oh!” He said with a smile before jumping up off the bed and holding a hand out in defense. He glanced over to the others and shrugged. “Well, it was nice knowing you all. Guess I’m gonna die.”

Selina put her leg out in front of the Joker as a feeble barrier between him and Pamela. “Not yet.” She glanced over to Pamela. “We can make him carrying all our stuff down to the beach.”

Pamela thought this over for a second, then softened up her aggressive stance. “That’s fair.”

 

“So what am I doing?” Pamela asked, staring at Ed and the wooden board he held in his arms. He handed it over to her and she took it from him.

“So you take that and kind of throw it across the waves as they go up the shore, and then you jump on it and glide across.” He said.

She raised an eyebrow. “Does it  _ work _ ?”

“It worked for Harley and she got it to work for me, so I’d say it does.” He said.

She stared at him for a second, then looked back to the waves lapping on the sand in front of her. “If this doesn’t work I’m killing you.”

“Please don’t.”

“No promises.” She said.

She then threw the board down onto the waves to where it started to skid across the water, ran up to it, jumped onto it, and then it promptly slid back and out from under her. It launched her off into the sand, right on her knees and elbow as she tried and failed to catch herself with her hands. Ed froze in surprise and she spun around to him as she started to pick herself up from the sand.

“Ed you son of a bitch!” She shouted as he rushed over to help her up.

Meanwhile, Selina, Oswald, the Joker, and Harley were walking back to the canopy they had set up in the sand like before, all returning from the hotel’s bar with their drinks. The Joker had already downed one when they were at the bar and was bringing his second along with him, though everyone else was still on their firsts.

They arrived at the canopy where Ed and Pamela were after Ed had followed along behind her sputtering a thousand apologies as she refused to hear any of them. Now she was too busy picking sand out of the scrapes on her knees to even bother listening to him, though he kept apologizing. Pamela glanced back at the others as they approached before she went back to cleaning her knee.

“Pro tip,” she started. “If Edward ‘The Riddler’ Nygma tells you to try something and it’ll be fun, it’s not fun and it’s probably painful.”

“I said I’m sorry!” Ed said to her, then glanced over to the others. Selina held up her free hand and Harley just shrugged. They didn’t know what he wanted them to do about it even if they could do something.

Pamela shot a glare to Ed. “ I fell off that damn board and skinned my knee, have you even seen it?” She pointed to her knee for emphasis, then looked back at it. “I didn’t even know you could do that on sand.”

The Joker laughed, getting Pamela to shift her glare over to him. “Wow, you’re just racking up that swear jar cash! We’ll never have to worry about paying for gas again.”

“You shut your mouth or I’ll shove your drink down your throat.” Pamela snapped. The Joker just shrugged and took a sip of the margarita before he and the others took their seats back down under the canopy.

***

_(Posted not too long afterwards)_

_I didn’t realize how sunburnt I was until I took this picture lol_

_-Harley_

_(3 JUL 2017 2:17PM)_

***

The group was settled down under the canopy, though the Joker had wandered off a bit ago. A conversation had taken up most of their collective attentions, but Pamela still managed to sneak a glance off to the rest of the beach.

Without turning away from what she watched, she asked: “Hey, how many drinks has Joker had so far since we’ve gotten on the beach?”

The group paused their conversation and considered it. It’d been an hour since he got his second drink, and he had gotten a couple more since then.

“I think about four or so.” Selina said after a few moments. “Why?”

“Just checking.” She said. The group glanced at each other, then back to Pamela, who kept silent for a bit longer as she watched what she did. She made a nod in the direction she stared. “Looks like he’s having fun harassing that family over there.”

They looked in the direction she did. Sure enough, there was the Joker with another drink in his hand, bothering a group of people and smiling the whole time. Because of course he was. Selina groaned.

“Damn it, Joker.” She said, then looked over to Ed who sat behind her. “Ed, go get him.”

Ed turned to Oswald next to him. “Oz, go get him.”

Oswald didn’t look away from the Joker, but said: “Harley, go get Joker.”

“Aww, but he’s having so much fun!” Harley said, motioning to the Joker with a hand. The Joker then turned to an angry guy next to him, but kept a smile on his face. The guy attempted to intimidate him by moving too close, which made the Joker stumble back over a sandcastle and right onto someone’s belongings. There was a shout, to which the Joker responded with a ‘seductive’ pose on the sand. Harley’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped slightly, then she moved to get up off the blanket.

“Wait, wait,” she leapt up. “Yeah, I’ll go get him.”

As Harley ran over to keep the Joker from getting absolutely destroyed by the two upset individuals, Oswald laughed to himself and shook his head. The Joker wasn’t even close to being drunk - he was just enjoying his chance at being a horrible person. Oswald actually missed the Joker acting like such a child. It reminded him of how chaotic everything used to be with the Joker, which, in Oswald’s opinion, was a lot more fun than how the Joker was nowadays. Maybe this trip could get the Joker back to being like that again.

Oswald was certainly willing to give it a try.

***

_ (Posted several hours later) _

_ _

_ LOOK AT THIS PRETTY SUNSET! _

_ -Harley _

_ (3 JUL 2017 7:29PM) _

***

It was ten at night.

The Joker was drunk and kept getting right in Ed and Oswald’s faces as the three of them sat in their room, telling them awful jokes and having a blast. He was so loud that Selina had to come by the just to tell them that, to which his only response was to smile and go for more alcohol.

“Do you want me to try to get him to quiet down?” Ed asked as he stood in the doorway of the room with her. The Joker had started to sing as he poured himself another drink, except his singing was definitely off key and the lyrics were wrong.

“Absolutely not.” She said. “I wanna join you guys. Pamela and Harley are just having boring girl talk in our room and I wanna see the drunk idiot.”

Ed stepped out of the doorway and motioned for her to come in. “Please do. Oswald bought so much alcohol earlier. We should have drinks for weeks.” He glanced back at the Joker, who had stopped singing to decide whether he should take the drink he poured or just the whole bottle in his hand. He decided on the bottle, handing the full glass over to Oswald who took it graciously. 

“Unless Joker keeps drinking like he is right now.” Ed said. “Then we should have enough for...two more days.”

Selina laughed and patted Ed’s shoulder as she walked into the room. “You’ve obviously never seen us drink together then. It’ll be gone in an hour.”

And in a hour, the Joker, Selina, and Oswald were all drunk. So drunk they didn’t even mind that Ed was liveblogging it all. They were just having too much fun.

The Joker leaned over the balcony that overlooked the pool below and started to giggle to himself as he listened to the radio play loudly from the bar next to the pool. Selina pushed her wobbly self up to sit upright on the bed since she had been laying down.

“What’s got you so giddy?” She asked with a grin.

He waved her over. “Come here and dance with me! There’s music!”

“I don’t wanna dance!” She said, lying back down again.

The Joker hopped back into the room and grabbed her by the arms, pulling her up and out to the balcony with him. Oswald and Ed followed right after to watch them from the doorway.

“Come on!” The Joker pleaded to Selina spinning her around on the small balcony.

She huffed and smiled. “Fine, okay, yes. Let’s dance!”

The Joker took Selina’s hand in his and put his other hand on her waist while she set hers on his shoulder, then the two began to dance. The dancing, though, made Ed smile and shake his head.

“That’s not dancing, that’s just swaying badly.” He said. The two glared over at him but kept their own grins.

“Yeah! It’s just your speed, stupid green question boy.” Selina said, still ‘dancing’ with the Joker.

Ed laughed. “What?”

“You suck at dancing!” She replied.

“Yeah!” The Joker added, then glanced over the balcony, not breaking off from Selina yet. “Do you dare me to jump off the balcony to the pool?”

“Absolutely.” Oswald said as he took a drink from the half full glass in his hand. Ed lost count of how many Oswald had gone through at that point, but it was enough probably.

Selina beat on the Joker’s shoulder with excitement. “Do it, do it, do it, do it!”

“Okay.” The Joker shrugged, then scooped up Selina in his arms. “But you first!”

“Wait, no!” She shouted right before he tossed her off the balcony. She gave a scream that was soon followed up by a  _ splash _ into the pool. The Joker had leaned over the railing to watch.

“Okay, my turn!” He said before vaulting himself over the railing and into the pool below with a  _ splash _ as well.

“Idiots!” Ed howled with laughter and his hands holding the sides of his head from the shock of how quick it had all happened.

“Yeah, cats hate water.” Oswald said with a laugh of his own, which made Ed laugh harder. 

Several minutes later and there was a ruckus at the door as two pairs of fists banged at it, soon followed by the shouts and pleas from the Joker and Selina to let them back in. Ed, of course, opened the door for them and they stumbled in, making him shut the door right after them. They were absolutely soaking from head to toe and still with huge smiles on their faces.

“How was the swim?” Ed asked.

“It was great! Very refreshing.” The Joker replied.

“Yeah, but the people wanna kick us out now so we gotta hide.” Selina said in a very poorly attempted whisper.

“Where can we hide?” The Joker asked her, mimicking her awful attempt of a whisper. Selina turned to him with a bewildered expression.

“In the room dummy! That’s why we came back up here.” She said.

He held her face in his hands. “You are so smart. I thought it was just because the alcohol was here.”

“That too.”

The two of them threw their hands up and together they shouted: “Alcohol!”

They proceeded to down some more of that alcohol, with Ed making sure they didn’t drink too much at once or go overboard with all the alcohol they had already drank. They also tried switching out of their wet clothes, with Selina borrowing some of Ed’s since her room was ‘too far away.’ In all honesty, it was right next door, but Ed wasn’t going to argue.

After they changed, the two of them had plopped down on the beds. Selina picked up her phone from the nightstand since she had dropped it off there earlier. She then proceeded to tap away at the screen with so much force that Oswald took quick notice.

“Selina, what are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m calling Batman.” She said.

“Why are you calling Batman?” He asked.

“Shut up, I’m calling Batman.” She said, then held the phone up to her ear. Ed could hear a quiet ringing as the phone tried to connect the call. It stopped and there was a quiet voice that he couldn’t make out

“Hello?” She asked, then paused, getting a response. “You’re not Batman. Why do you have Batman’s phone? Who are you? What’d you do with Batman? Batman’s my boyfriend!” There was another pause, then she hung up and stared at the phone for a second before turning to the others in the room. “I called Bane.”

The guys all started to laugh and Selina cracked a smile herself as she tried again to call Batman. She dialed his number, then held the phone back to her ear.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick - Batman!” She leapt up on the bed to sit up straight. “I’m putting you on speaker.”

With a press of a button, speaker was on, and Batman’s voice was easily heard.

_ “What? Selina?” _ Batman said over the phone. He was met with a resounding ‘eyyyy’ from the room’s occupants.

“It’s Batman!” The Joker shouted, getting up from his chair by the window.

_ “Where are you at?” _ Batman asked. The Joker stumbled over to Selina and fell down onto the bed besides her before sitting up again and leaning over to the phone as she leaned back and held the phone up for him.

“Hey Batman,” he started. “Did you know you drive me to drink? How does that make you feel?”

_ “Joker, where did you take everyone?” _

The Joker clicked his tongue and shook his head. “That didn’t answer my question. How, does, it, make, you,  _ feeeel _ ?”

_ “Joker. _ ”

“Batman!” He threw his hands up in the air and smiled. There was a pause.

_ “I feel bad _ .”

“I don’t believe you.” The Joker glared at the phone. In the quiet background of the call, there was a laugh that cut through.

Selina jolted upright and grinned. “Is that Robin?”

“I love Robin!” The Joker shouted.

_ “Hi!” _ Came a different voice from the phone, no doubt being Robin himself.

_ “Go upstairs _ .” Batman said to the voice.

“No! I wanna talk to Robin! I love Robin!” The Joker said, slowly slouching down onto the bed and sliding off of it to the floor as he spoke. “We went to McDonalds. I got a Happy Meal.”

“When did you do that?” Ed asked from the bed across from Selina and the Joker where he and Oswald were.

“We were on patrol and waiting for Batman and we stole the Batmobile.” The Joker said, laying down onto the floor.

_ “ _ You _ stole the Batmobile.” _ Batman said. “ _ Robin didn’t have any part in it _ .”

“Oh boo…” the Joker said. “He’s the one who suggested it.”

Selina laid back on the bed again as the Joker climbed back up onto it. She set the phone down on her chest. “We jumped off the balcony.”

“And we landed in the pool!” The Joker said, stretching out on the bed next to her and rubbing his elbow that Ed just then noticed had a very deep purple bruise on it that crept up the rest of his arm.

Batman sighed. “ _ And how was it? _ ”

“Good.” Selina said, staring up at the ceiling.

“I hit my elbow. I can’t feel it.” The Joker said, laying his head down on the blankets.

_ “Why can’t you feel it?” _ Batman asked.

“I drank too much and I really can’t feel anything right now.” He said, shifting his face to bury them in the blankets.

“I feel ya, man.” Ed said as he continued looking at the bruise from where he sat.

“I can’t.” The Joker said with his voice muffled by the blankets.

_ “Are you all still together?” _ Batman asked.

“Nah.” Selina said, reaching up above her to mess with the Joker’s hair. “Harley and Pam are in the other room.”

“I hate Ivy. No one likes her.” The Joker said.

“I like her.” Selina said.

“I live with her, I’ve got to like her.” Ed said.

“She’s not bad.” Oswald said.

“Well...I hate her. She’s mean to me.” The Joker brushed away Selina’s hand and sat up on the bed. She looked up at him.

“You know why she’s mean to you, right?” She asked.

“Of course I know!” He threw his hands up and stared at the floor. “I always know! I drink so I don’t know. I don’t want to know what I did. But I’m not like that anymore. Right?” He paused and looked at Selina. “Right? I’m different now right?”

Ed nodded as Selina put a hand on the Joker's back and said: “Yeah, you’re different now. You’ve changed a lot.

“You’re definitely different now.” Oswald said, with a tone in his voice that made Ed glance over to him. Oswald didn’t appear to notice, instead just watching the Joker.

The Joker just nodded. “Yeah. I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t do that stuff. That stuff I did. To people. To you guys. To Harley. Right? I wouldn’t do that. I’m different now. I’ve...I’m different.” He paused, then his open hand shot out towards Oswald. “Penguin, give me more whiskey.”

Oswald reached back for the tightly closed bottle of whisky on the bed behind him and handed it over to the Joker, who twisted it open and started to drink straight from it before sliding back down to the floor again. Selina sat up, taking the phone off her chest as she did.

“Well, I’m gonna go.” She said to the phone in her hand. “You’ve probably gotta save the city or something.”

_ “Don’t any of you drive anywhere tonight.” _ Batman said.

“We won’t!” The Joker said, staring down into the bottle he held in his hands.

“Probably.” Oswald said.

“I’m taking you off speaker, ‘k?” Selina asked to the phone.

_ “Alright.” _ Batman said. She tapped the speaker phone off and put the phone to her ear. Ed couldn’t make out what Batman was saying to her, only what her responses were. 

“Yeah…yeah…yeah I know…I know…yeah it’s fine…yeah…okay…yeah, okay…bye, I love you.” There was a pause, longer than there was between anything else she had said. She pulled the phone back from her ear and stared at it. Her shoulders sank and she let her hand and phone drop to her lap.

“He didn’t say it, did he?” Ed asked.

She hesitated, then shook her head and tossed the phone back onto the bed. “You know what, to heck with Batman. I’ve got you guys.”

“And alcohol!” The Joker said, still staring into the half empty bottle.

“And alcohol.” She echoed, then sighed. “We’re gonna be fine.”

Ed watched the group as they started to wind down for the night, thinking about how at the very least, Selina and the Joker were going to have some awful hangovers in the morning. Oswald hadn’t drank as much as Ed assumed it seemed, or at least, he appeared more sober than them.

Ed wished they hadn’t have called Batman. It wasn’t that he was afraid of Batman pinpointing their location or anything since he figured Batman already knew where they were (asking them where they were was probably a test or something.) But now Selina and the Joker were in a weird funk. They were still drinking, sure, but they just sort of lost their spark.

He sighed. Batman could really be the worst. Why did those two even bother with him? It’s like they were trying to seek his approval or something. All he could do was hope they felt better in the morning. It probably wasn’t likely with how much they drank, but maybe they’d move past this funk.

The night ended with the Joker throwing a mini tantrum that was basically incoherent to the group before he fell asleep on the floor. Oswald threw a blanket over him and then went to bed himself. Selina curled herself up in the chair and went to sleep there. Ed gave a glance over the group before going to get cleaned up and go to bed himself. They were probably going to have a lot to deal with in the morning.


	4. The Sunshine State (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes out shopping and try to handle some hangovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this 4th chapter of my 4th Batman fanfic here on AO3 (that's also my 4th work on here) is being posted while the fic has 4 comments, 4 kudos, and 44 hits and this chapter takes place on the 4th of July and this is all based on a blog thing I stopped working on 4 months ago and I'm not going to lie none of that was planned and this is too many 4's for my taste  
> Also by posting this the fic's going over 14000 words so there's that too so you know that's kind of part of it too  
> Anyway

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Florida ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/florida/chrono)

July 4th, 2017

* * *

For two hours, Selina was in the bathroom trying to get the alcohol and hangover out of her system. The Joker hadn’t moved from the floor. Oswald was basically fine, and Ed barely had anything that night before so he was fine, too.

Harley came by the room first after breakfast and Ed told her about everything that happened last night and she was so disappointed that she didn’t get to see Selina and the Joker go over the balcony to the pool. Then when he told her about the Joker’s arm, she wanted to see it immediately.

“C’mon J, just let me see it.” She pleaded as she laid across the bed and watched over where the Joker still was on the floor.

“No.” He said, pulling the blanket over his head further.

“Please? I just wanna see how bad it is.” She said, leaning down towards him as best she could.

“Go away. I’ve got a headache and I want to die.”

She frowned and stared down at him, bundled up like a heap on the floor. “C’mon, J.”

Then Pamela showed up to the room, bursting in just about as loud as she wanted to manage - which was enough to set off the Joker’s headache some more but leave Selina in peace behind the shut bathroom door.

“Aww,” she said with a grin, looking down at the Joker on the floor. “Does the clown prince of bad decisions not feel good?”

“Go away, Pamela.” The Joker said, his voice rather quiet under the blanket.

“Red, please don’t.” Harley asked as she sat up on the bed.

“I’ll do whatever I want.” Pamela said, stepping over the Joker and to the other bed across from Harley. She smiled down to the Joker as he laid between the beds, still unmoving.She went to rest her foot on his side, but she let it fall too fast and it landed right on his bruised arm. With a shout, he jolted back and smacked her foot off him, making the blanket fly off his head in the process.

“ _Fuck off, Pamela_.” He growled as he tugged the blanket back over him and clutched his arm. Pamela watched him for a moment as she pulled her foot back.

“Alright.” She said, criss-crossing her legs on the bed and shifting away from the edge of it.

She left him completely alone for the next hour as Selina pulled herself together and the Joker still didn’t move. The only time she looked at him was when Harley got on the floor next to him to talk to him, but other than that she ignored him.

Once Selina was finally out of the bathroom and had donned the darkest pair of sunglasses she could find and the Joker had pulled himself out of his blanket cocoon, the group decided that they’d need to keep out of the hotel for at least part of the day so the workers wouldn’t realize that it was those two that jumped into the pool the night before. They all headed out of the hotel and to some of the nearby shops to see what all they could find. While in one of the first shops, Ed approached Pamela, who was looking over a shelf of shells and souvenirs.

“Hey Pamela,” Ed said. She glanced over to him. “It was nice of you not to bother Joker more than you did when he was curled up on the floor this morning basically dying of his hangover.”

She shrugged and went back to the souvenirs. “I read the transcripts from last night. I may really really hate him, but I’m not a jerk. Definitely wouldn’t expect him to do the same though. ” She glared at him. “Just keep that in mind.”

He nodded and she started meandering down the aisle with him following after her.

“There was a lot I could have said to him this morning, too.” She said as they walked. “I could’ve brought up something with Batman or his drinking or how he used to be or whatever. I could’ve done plenty of stuff like that but I didn’t.”

“I’m aware.” Ed said.

“Good.”

They kept on down the aisle until the end, then wandered over to another where Harley and the Joker were. Harley was sitting on the floor with a big, rainbow, stuffed narwhal with a gold tusk in her arms and her back against a big crate of other stuffed animals, while the Joker was facing opposite of her, lying on his back on the floor.

“What are you two doing?” Pamela asked. Harley looked up at her with about the saddest expression Pamela had ever seen on Harley’s face that just about broke her heart.

“It’s just so adorable and I want it so _bad_.” Harley said, wrapping her arms around the stuffed animal tighter.

“Then get it.” Pamela said.

“That’s what I said but she keeps trying to convince herself she doesn’t need it.” The Joker said, not moving. Pamela and Ed couldn’t even see his eyes or where he was looking with his sunglasses on. Admittedly, he kind of looked ridiculous with them on inside, but he sort of looked ridiculous anyway.

“I have enough stuffed animals at home already.” Harley said as she buried her face in its rainbow fur.

“But you don’t have any with you here, so you should get it.” The Joker replied. His voice was low and the words just slightly slurred. Ed assumed his headache was so bad he didn’t want to speak or that he was afraid to speak too loud in case he hurt his head more. Either that or it was the pain medication kicking in that Harley got for him for his arm and headache. Harley was adamant about being the one to get it for him since, with his altered body chemistry from the accident that turned him into the Joker, he had gotten very sensitive to certain medications. Certain ones put him right to sleep and others made him dissociate badly, so, being his old psychiatrist and with so many years of taking care of him in addition to that, she was kind of the best one to figure out what he needed. This medication was probably one that made him sleep, but it wasn’t strong enough to just yet.

“I don’t know…” Harley said as Oswald and Selina came over to the aisle.

“What’s up?” Selina asked. The sunglasses she took from the room were resting on her head, though she was half tempted to put them on again when she saw the Joker with his still on. Her headache wasn’t as bad since she got a stronger medication, but it still hurt.

Harley looked over to her and Oswald and held out the narwhal. “It’s so soft and adorable and I want it so bad.”

Oswald sighed and shook his head. “Go ahead and get it, Harley.”

Harley let out a squeal that made the Joker hold his head in pain, then she jumped up and hugged Oswald, practically knocking him over.

“Thank you, sugar daddy!” She shouted, making Selina and Ed burst into laughter.

Pamela’s hands went to her face in embarrassment. “Harley, please no.”

***

_(Posted a little over an hour later)_

__

_She’s trying to cure his hangover with the narwhal_

_She named it Candy_

_-Eddie_

_(4 JUL 2017 1:00PM)_

***

The group had spent just about the whole day shopping, and of course, it was all paid for by Oswald since he was the only one with money. (This, in retrospect, made the idea of the swear jar a little pointless, though later they figured out that it was all sort of an IOU to him. But, being Oswald, the IOU’s came with interest, so they all owed him a _lot_ of money when they finally got back to Gotham at the end of their trip.)

Harley shook her head as she watched Oswald pay for their latest shopping excursion - one of the many expensive stores in a high end mall they found. “Seriously though, Ozzy, how have we not made you broke yet? I swear half the bus is full of stuff now and we’ve still got a ton left in the rooms. How much money do you have?”

He waved a dismissive hand to her as she and Selina took the bags off the counter after he paid. “Don’t you worry about it, Harley. You guys aren’t even close to bankrupting me.”

“New roadtrip mission: bankrupt Oz.” Selina announced as they left the store together. Oswald laughed and she prodded him with her elbow and a smile. “Hey, I wanna go buy this necklace I was looking at, so you know, if you could pay for that that’d be great.”

He shook his head. “One necklace isn’t going to bankrupt me, Selina.”

“You haven’t seen this necklace.” She said.

Harley split off from the two to join Pamela, Ed, and the Joker as Selina led Oswald to the store she had been keeping an eye on since they got to the mall. The four waited in the food court, though since it was taking Selina and Oswald a while to show back up, Pamela checked the blog to see what was up. The first post was from Selina.

_Oz just bought me a Tiffany & Co. pearl necklace like it was NOTHING _

_Even Batman wouldn’t do that and he’s dating me_

_-Selina_

_(4 JUL 2017 3:43PM)_

Pamela’s jaw dropped and Harley glanced over to her with a curious expression. Pamela ignored it to respond to Selina with:

_Wait are you serious?_

_-Pamela_

_(4 JUL 2017 3:44PM)_

_Absolutely_

_-Selina_

_(4 JUL 2017 3:44PM)_

“Harley, we have to go.” Pamela said, standing up from the table and grabbing Harley’s wrist.

“What? Why?” Harley asked.

“Oz just bought Selina a Tiffany necklace and I want one too.” She said. Harley stared at Pamela for a moment, then jumped out of her seat.

“Oh, we are absolutely going to go get some of that.” Harley said before waving a goodbye to Ed and the Joker as she and Pamela rushed off to join up with Selina and Oswald. The boys waved back, though Pamela didn’t notice as she typed up:

_Don’t you let him leave your sight Harley and I are coming over there we want fancy jewelry too_

_-Pamela_

_(4 JUL 2017 3:44PM)_

“We’re gonna look so good!” Harley said, her voice doing nothing to conceal her excitement.

And not too long afterwards, a new post was made to the blog.

_Yep, alright. Oswald is 100% absolutely loaded._

_I am extremely impressed but also a little frustrated that we’re still the ones paying for gas._

_-Pamela_

_(4 JUL 2017 4:15PM)_

_How much did he just spend on you guys?_

_-Eddie_

_(4 JUL 2017 4:15PM)_

_I’ll send you the receipt in a second._

_You should probably prepare yourself._

_-Pamela_

_(4 JUL 2017 4:16PM)_

Ed received a picture of the receipt and just about lost his mind.

Altogether, the total of the jewelry that the girls had made Oswald buy amounted to over $100,000.

_Hoooooooly heck_

_Hey Oz there’s something I need you to get me, too_

_-Eddie_

_(4 JUL 2017 4:22PM)_

***

Everyone was back on the bus as they headed back to the hotel when Harley saw what Ed made Oswald buy. She peered over the top of her seat and back to his where he sat with a puzzle box in his lap, twisting it around and shifting around the different panels.

She smiled and shook her head. “Eddie, you are _such_ a nerd, oh my gosh.”

He grinned but didn’t look away from the box. “I’m not even going to deny it right now. I’ve wanted this puzzle box for so long and they had it here and I couldn’t stand it and I wanted it. Plus it’s nowhere near as much as what you guys made Oz pay.” He looked up at her, still with a grin on his face. “I have no regrets.”

Harley laughed and kept watching as he messed around with the box, asking every once in a while if he’d let her try it when he got stuck and him only letting her try after he figured it out himself. It took her about half the time to do it.

“It’s because you saw me do it first.” He said, glaring at her. She just smiled.

“Or maybe it’s because I’m smarter than you!” She said, handing it back.

“Yeah, okay.” He laughed, getting her to laugh in return. 

***

_(Posted four hours later)_

__

_Well we all forgot it was the Fourth of July lol_

_Instead of going to see fireworks or anything we’re staying in and ordering a pizza bc America. Freedom of something or whatever_

_-Harley_

_(4 JUL 2017 8:45PM)_

*** 

It was nine at night.

The Joker was drunk again.

His arm had started to bother him, but he didn’t want anymore pain medication. Instead, he figured alcohol would work. From Oswald and Ed’s perspective, it seemed like it did work - he was laughing and being just about as goofy as ever, barely giving any attention to his arm aside from touching it a couple times and wincing.

The two of them ended up having to babysit the Joker for the night after he snuck out of the hotel room and got down to the beach, trying to find fireworks. It didn’t matter how many times Oswald told him fireworks weren’t allowed in Florida, either, since he just kept calling him a liar and staring up at the sky trying to find them. And it didn’t matter that he tripped over a piece of driftwood straight onto his back since he just laughed that off, picked himself up, and kept looking.

“You know if there were fireworks, they wouldn’t be this hard to find.” Ed said, standing with Oswald as the two of them watched the Joker meander around the beach.

“Maybe they’re special fireworks.” The Joker said. The two stared at him for a while, making him glance back towards them. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘special fireworks?’” Oswald asked.

The Joker made a few motions with his hands, trying to gather his scattered and drunk thoughts. “Maybe they’re invisible. And really really quiet.”

Ed shook his head. “Joker, that doesn’t-”

“Stop, I want to watch him justify this.” Oswald said as he held up a hand to stop Ed. Ed glanced at him, but went along. “Why are you looking for them if they’re invisible?”

The Joker paused and stared at the sand in deep thought, then held up a finger. “Maybe you’ve gotta stand at a very specific angle.”

“Why would they make fireworks like that?” Oswald asked.

The Joker stopped and thought again before growing a smile as he came up with the answer. “You said they’re illegal right?”

“Yeah.”

“So you make the fireworks invisible unless you’re in the exact right place so the cops don’t see them!” He said, putting his hands on his hips and puffing out his chest with a smug grin.

Oswald shook his head and put a hand to his face with a smile. “Aren’t you just the genius, Joker.”

The Joker’s smile grew and he went back to searching the skies.


	5. The Sunshine State (Part 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang's last day in Florida does not go well.

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Florida ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/florida/chrono)

July 5th, 2017

* * *

It was almost nine in the morning when Ed woke up to the Joker’s face looming over his. As soon as Ed opened his eyes, he jolted and gasped to keep himself from screaming. The Joker just laughed and leaned back on the bed. Ed sat up and stared at the Joker, still trying to get over the shock of it.

“How did you wake up before me?” He asked to the still laughing Joker who almost spilled his coffee from laughing so hard. “You were absolutely plastered last night. Oz and I had to physically carry you back up here.”

The Joker didn’t respond, still trying to stop laughing. Ed couldn’t resist it - even he had to smile at that joy. He waited for the Joker to calm down a bit, glancing over to where Selina sat in the chair by the balcony door with her legs over the chair’s arm as she played around on her phone. Oswald wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so Ed assumed he was downstairs getting breakfast. Selina had probably gone down with the Joker since she was in the room, or she stopped by herself.

“How is he so wide awake?” Ed asked to her, making her glance over. “It doesn’t even seem like he has a hangover.”

“That’s my secret, Eddie.” The Joker said, finally regaining his composure. “I’m always awake.”

“So woke.” Selina said with a grin without turning from her phone. Ed smiled at her too, then stopped and thought before turning back to the Joker.

“Wait, Joker,” Ed asked, making the Joker raise his eyebrows as he took a sip of his coffee. “Did you not fall asleep last night?”

The Joker shrugged and gave him a sly grin. “Maybe.”

Ed frowned. “Don’t give me that smile. Did you or did you not go to sleep last night?”

Harley came into the room as the Joker frowned to Ed. The girls had a keycard for the guys room just like the guys had one for the girls just in case something happened or they just wanted to stop by. Ed figured that’s the one she used, which meant Selina must have come in with the Joker.

“Fine, I didn’t go to sleep. I was busy watching fireworks and doing some other stuff.” The Joker said.

“Okay well we’ve already established there’s no fireworks in Florida so that’s a lie.” Ed said as Harley glanced over to the two of them before sitting down on the other bed that Selina sat near. “So what other stuff were you doing?”

The Joker let out a huff. “Eddie, I’m an adult. I can do things without telling anyone. And I can stay up however late I want.” He pushed himself up off the bed and walked over to the table next to Selina’s chair where all the bags for snacks were and started to search through them with his free hand. “Don’t be such a mom.”

Harley let out a small giggle as Ed glared at the Joker. “I’m not a mom.”

“Me and J sat on the beach for a while and talked. Don’t worry about it.” Selina said, not turning away from her phone until her next sentence. “And yeah, Eddie, you’re such a mom.”

Ed cocked his head at Selina. “Wait, why were you up?”

“I just said don’t worry about it.” Selina replied as she looked back at her phone.

“He’s just trying to be a good mother for his children!” Harley said with a smile and glance to Selina, who returned it graciously as Pamela and Oswald entered the room.

“Yeah, and we’re rebelling.” The Joker said, still going through the snack bags. Harley gasped and he sent a grin back to her, making the both of them laugh.

“What’s going on?” Pamela asked, sitting down at the edge of Ed’s bed.

“All the snacks mysteriously disappeared.” The Joker said, changing the topic from the actual one they had been discussing before Ed had the chance to answer.

“I didn’t know Harley was a mystery, but whatever you say.” Oswald said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. Harley gave him a big smile and two thumbs up, and he just shook his head with a smile back.

“After everything we bought yesterday, none of us got more snacks?” Pamela asked with a glance around the room. Everyone shook their heads. “Of course not.”

Oswald sighed. “Alright. We’ll go out and get more then.”

The Joker groaned and glared up at the ceiling. “I don’t wanna leave again.”

“Then stay here.” Oswald said. “But somebody’s got to stay with you.”

The Joker looked over at him. “You don’t trust me?”

“Absolutely not.” He said, getting a smile from the Joker.

“I’ll stay here.” Ed said.

“I will too.” Harley said. “The bus is kinda borin’.”

“Fine. Pamela and Selina?” Oswald asked, glancing to the two women.

“We’ll go with you.” Selina said as she stood up from the chair and shoved her phone in her back pocket. Pamela stood up as well.

“Alright.” Oswald said. The three of them headed for the door, but he paused and pointed back to the others. “Stay here and behave yourselves.”

They gave a resounding ‘we will’ as the others left the room. After they left, Ed finally got out of bed and dressed, then he, Harley, and the Joker headed down for breakfast. Harley and the Joker had both already eaten but wanted to keep Ed company. While down there, the Joker got into an interesting conversation with someone, and had some very interesting news to report back to Ed and Harley.

“I just found out we can get in trouble for ‘excessive digging’ on the beach.” He said, running over to them at their table. “Do you guys wanna build a giant sand castle?”

Harley glanced over to Ed and grinned as he nodded. She then told the Joker: “Abso-freaking-lutely.”

***

_(Posted an hour later)_

__

_The water is so pretty!_

_-Harley_

_(5 JUL 2017 11:03AM)_

(And not too long after, the Joker told Ed and Harley:

“I’ve been digging for a straight hour and my elbow is killing me, but there’s still no Beach Police. If this isn’t excessive digging, I can’t wait to see what is.”

They wholeheartedly agreed.)

***

About an hour after that, Oswald had received a call. Once he was finished with it, he shook his head and returned his phone to his pocket, making Pamela and Selina glance over to him as they carried the newly purchased snacks back to the bus.

“Alright,” he started, rubbing a hand on his forehead. “We left them alone without supervision for two hours. This is objectively our fault.” He sighed and glanced at the two women. “Pamela, Selina, get ready to go break the three idiots out of jail.”

Pamela stopped and arched an eyebrow at him. “Wait, what are you talking about?”

Oswald set a hand on his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Joker just called me from the police station. They got in trouble for excessive digging, but instead of stopping, they threw their shovels at them and ran. He also said when they tackled him that he’s pretty sure his elbow finally got properly fractured. But of course, he’s not actually a doctor, so he might just be being dramatic.”

Pamela sneered and headed again for the bus. “Well they can wait until we get everything from the rooms. They’re the idiots after all.”

As Pamela and Oswald headed again for the bus, Selina paused and shook her head.

“I can’t believe a bunch of infamous, dangerous, runaway criminals with mile long rap sheets got arrested for playing in the sand.” She said to herself before rushing to join up with the other two.

For around half an hour after they got back to the room, the three rushed to get everything together. They worked together on both rooms, getting the guys’ room done first. But while getting everything together in the girls’ room, Pamela chanced to glance outside at a sudden crowd growing on the beach, and since it piqued her curiosity, she stepped out on the balcony to get a better look.

Aquaman was on the beach.

“Hey, we’re gonna need to hurry with the hotel room and the break out.” She said, sticking her head back into the room.

“Why?” Selina asked, glancing up from the suitcase she was stuffing things in. “You’re the one who wanted to make them wait.”

“Yeah, but that was before your boyfriend called up the reinforcements.” Pamela replied as she hurried back in the room to pull things together.

Selina shot up and watched her with an equally confused and angry expression. “He what now?”

“Aquaman’s here.” She pointed to the beach outside. “He’s on the beach. He’s probably here to return everyone back to Gotham.”

“Didn’t you say you were going to punch Aquaman if you saw him?” Oswald asked, grabbing the bags off the room’s table.

Pamela huffed. “I said I’d _probably_ punch him. Look, do you want to keep arguing about this or do you want to save our friends and the Joker?”

Selina zipped up the suitcase and yanked it off the bed. “Okay, yeah, let’s go get them.”

 

“Just let me see it, J!” Harley said. The Joker sat, curled up in the corner of the cell, clasping his arm at the elbow. Ed stood behind Harley as she tried to coax him, but didn’t know how to help in the slightest.

“Please explain to me what that would help?” The Joker asked, staring up at her with a furrowed brow.

“I need to see how bad it is!” She said.

“How are you going to see how bad something is that is _inside of me_?” He asked. “If my arm is broken, you’re not going to be able to see the bone!”

“J, just-”

And then the bus crashed through the wall.

The Joker immediately leapt up from the floor and Ed and Harley jumped back towards him. A dust cloud enveloped them and made them start to cough. Oswald hung his head out the driver’s side window and he glared at them.

“Get in the bus.” He shouted. “We’re leaving.”

And they did just that.

 

After driving quite a ways from the police station and the scene of the crime, Pamela shouted back to the three newly escaped convicts from the passenger seat.

“I think we’re owed the biggest of thanks right now.” She said.

“Thank you, Red!” Harley shouted back while holding up a heart shape with her hands. “And Kitty and Ozzy!”

“Yeah, really, thank you guys so much.” Ed replied as well.

Selina shook her head and smiled back at the group from her seat up near the front. “I can’t believe you guys got in trouble for digging a hole.”

“I mean, it was a really deep hole. Like, J could barely even see over the top.” Harley said with a laugh. “I think we mainly got in trouble because the Beach Police vehicle thing fell in it.”

Pamela crossed her arms and glared back at the group. “I’m still looking for one more particular ‘thank you.’”

Harley looked away and down to her lap where the Joker’s head rested as he slept. “Yeah, I mean. You’re gonna have to get it later. J’s kind of...asleep.”

Pamela’s mouth dropped and her brow furrowed. “What?! Didn’t he get an adrenaline rush from us breaking you out by plowing the _bus_ through the wall of the station? It seemed like the rest of you did! I certainly did.”

Harley shook her head. “He did! It’s just his arm was really, really bothering him and pain medication knocks him out sometimes. Plus he didn’t sleep last night.”

“He’s probably tired from digging, too.” Ed added.

Pamela glared at them. “Don’t you two baby him.”

“We’re not! We’re being honest!” Harley said. “You can get your thank you later when he wakes up.”

“He’ll probably forget by then.” Pamela said, crossing her arms and facing back to the road ahead. Harley frowned and looked back down at the still sleeping Joker.

 

Two and a half hours later, the Joker was still asleep and they were all still driving. Harley glanced out the window, then over to Selina who had moved to a seat closer by.

“I know we’ve been driving for a while now, but...where are we going?” Harley asked.

“Good question.” Selina said, looking around the bus. Ed was slouched over in his seat reading something on his phone while Oswald and Pamela were still up at the front. She turned back to Harley. “I don’t think anyone knows. I think we’re just going.”

 

Not too long after, they finally crossed out of Florida and into Alabama. Nothing much had happened in that time. It was actually rather peaceful.

Or at least it was until Pamela remembered her plants.

Several months ago back when they were all still in Gotham, Pamela’s greenhouse was raided by the police, forcing her to move into Ed’s apartment with all her plants. Before, Ed’s apartment was nice and spacious, but now it was full to the brim with Pamela’s plants. On the balconies, on the windowsills, hanging from the ceiling, on the counters - just plants, everywhere. Plus, Ed’s apartment complex has a rooftop greenhouse, so there’s more of her plants up there as well. And that’s in addition to their neighbor, Ms. Tiddles, having so many plants up there already.

Of course, being Pamela, all these plants are taken care of extensively. The last time Selina had to house sit for Pamela and Ed while they were in Arkham, Pamela had set out a _huge_ binder full of instructions on how to take care of them all.

Selina ended up killing about half of them.

So when Ed was telling Pamela about how they should have picked up a souvenir for Ms. Tiddles, all of that information came flooding back to Pamela.

“Ed,” she started, eyes wide and heart practically stopped. “Did you call anyone to take care of the plants?”

Ed shook his head. “No.”

She turned to him, eyes somehow going wider. “What do you mean you didn’t call anyone?”

“Me?” He asked, eyebrow arched. “They’re your plants!”

“They’re our plants!” She jumped up from her seat.

“I didn’t even want plants!” He threw his hands up in the air. She gasped. “I never wanted plants. I don’t even _like_ plants!”

Pamela held an arm back to shield her cacti sitting in her seat behind her and turned to them. “Don’t listen to him! He doesn’t mean it, he’s just angry.”

“We only have plants because _you_ wanted them!” Ed said, standing up from his seat as well.

“You said you didn’t have a problem with them when I moved in!”

“I was _lying_!”

Pamela managed an even bigger gasp, then glared at him and bared her teeth. He returned the glare.

“Well I never liked your riddles!” She shouted.

He froze, mouth slightly dropped. “You don’t mean that.”

“Oh yes I do.” She growled. “I hate finding the little notes of them lying around with stuff like ‘It comes from a carton, it's poured into glass, but if you want anymore, you'll have to pay cash.’” She threw her hands out. “Just tell me we're out of milk! It took me longer to figure out the answer than if you just told me! And it hardly even rhymes!”

The Joker woke up and sat up in his seat. Harley glanced over to him as he shook the sleep away. He glanced over to her.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

Ed threw out a hand to him. “Oh look, now you’ve woken him up!”

Harley risked a smile. “Eddie, you’re such a mom.”

“For the last time, I am not a mom!” He shouted, clenching his fists and turning to the ceiling for a moment.

The Joker stood up from his seat and looked at Pamela. “Why are you yelling at Eddie?”

Pamela poked a finger in Ed’s chest, pushing him back towards his seat slightly. “Because Eddie's a fucking asshole.”

“Twenty dollars for the swear jar, Pamela.” Oswald shouted from the driver’s seat.

“Shut up about the fucking swear jar, Oz.” Pamela shouted back.

“Thirty dollars now.” He replied.

“Don’t call my friend that, Ivy.” The Joker said to her, his voice getting low and dangerous. Harley and Selina glanced at each other, and even Ed seemed off put by it, but it didn’t deter Pamela.

“What are you gonna about it? Huh? Hurt me? Kill me? It'll just prove my point that you haven't changed.” Pamela said. The bus slowed quickly, not quite a full stop, but enough to make the group lurch forward. In the time it took for the others to get oriented, the Joker had snatched Pamela’s phone from her seat without her realizing.

“Oh I’ve changed.” He growled. She turned back to him as the bus started up again.

“Oh yeah?” She asked as she shoved her face towards his.

“Yeah!” He replied, matching her glare with his.

“How’d you change?” She leaned back and motioned to the people around her. “Share with the class.”

He leapt back a bit and whipped out her phone so she could see it. “I got petty!”

Pamela paused. “Is that my phone?”

He glanced over to it and grinned. “Oh would you lookie there? I suppose it is!”

“What are you doing?”

He slid over into one of the seats with an open window, though didn’t sit down. “You’ve got a nice case on this, Ivy. Flowers and everything.”

She held up a hand. “Joker...”

His hand crept over and out of the open window, phone barely grasped between by his fingers. The grin on his face grew as Pamela stayed frozen, glaring from the aisle. The others started to get up from their seats.

“I wonder how good of a case it really is.” The Joker said.

“Don’t you dare.” Pamela said, her eyes narrowing him. He took it as a dare.

And let go of the phone.

“Oops.” He shrugged.

“You fucking asshole.” Pamela said through gritted teeth.

“Fifty dollars, Pamela.” Oswald said from the front seat.

It was like that was the catalyst to the fight. That one sentence was uttered, then Pamela lunged for the Joker. She dragged him straight down to the floor and the two started to beat on each other. The others leapt from their seats to stop them. There was a crack, and then a scream from the Joker.

Pamela broke his arm. Fully.

For a minute straight, the Joker screamed at Pamela. Each word was a swear, and by the time he was done, even Oswald had lost track of how much he owed. And it’s not like he stopped yelling after he was done yelling at Pamela - it kept going. While it wasn’t all directly aimed at Pamela like the full minute had been, it would circle back around to her eventually, always with a new way to insult her than before. It didn’t help she was doing it right back at him. Selina had to pull her up to the front and away from the Joker who was cowering back in a seat and clutching his elbow. Harley stood in the aisle right in the middle of the two and Ed was in his own seat, as far back as he could be from the aisle and arguments.

It was all his fault. He kept telling himself that over and over again. He should have just apologized to Pamela and called Bane to take care of the plants like every other time.

They couldn’t even stop and deal with the Joker’s arm. The cops were probably still after them.

It was all his fault. All of it was his fault.

The stress got to him and he became consumed with whispering riddles to himself to calm down and holding his hands to his head. It didn’t work, but it kept him from thinking of anything else.

The bus had gotten so incredibly loud.

 

Selina sighed and rested her head on the backboard of the bed she sat up on. The Joker was sound asleep besides her and Oswald was asleep in the other bed.

Getting a cast for the Joker had taken forever. It turned out the Joker’s whole elbow was broken, so a cast was going to render his whole right arm useless. But the hospital wouldn’t give him one until they all agreed to let the employees turn them all over to the police afterwards since their faces were all over the TV (plus, Pamela had refused to help by using her pheromones since she was still mad.) Thankfully, the cast was set and everything before the police got there, so they all managed to get away before being arrested.

The pain medication the Joker got made him pretty incoherent on the drive away, which was good since Pamela was still livid. During the drive, Ed managed to smooth things over with Pamela, and it was all fine and calmed down up until Harley went back to check on Joker. Then she flipped out again.

Selina rubbed her forehead, thinking back over it all. Yeah, Pamela, the Joker used to be an absolute monster. He was a horrible human being who did horrible things. But he’s been _trying_. He’s been working so hard with Batman to fix himself.

It was a lot harder than Pamela ever tried if you asked Selina.

But against their better judgements, they all got a couple hotel rooms for the night. Selina decided to stay with Oswald and the Joker while Pamela went with Ed and Harley. Harley did want to stay with the Joker since she was worried about him, but Selina knew it’d make things worse with Pamela. Plus, Selina had a feeling the Joker didn’t want Harley to be near him. Not while he was like this and Pamela was so upset.

Selina sat there in the darkness in her frustration until her phone started to buzz. She glanced down at where it sat on the floor, plugged in to the outlet on the wall by the bed. Even from where she sat on the bed, she could see Bruce’s name on the screen.

“Shoot.” She whispered, then leaned over to decline the call and shut off the phone completely. He was probably trying to track them again, and they didn’t need that right now.

She stared at the black screen of the phone after it was turned off.

Maybe this road trip was a bad idea and they all just needed to be carted off back to Gotham. Maybe she should let Bruce figure out where they were and send one of his super friends after them.

Selina sighed, then dropped her phone back onto the floor. No. It’d be fine. It’d all be fine tomorrow.


	6. Have You Heard About the Good Worm? (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang meets a cult.

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ To Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/to%20chicago/chrono)

July 6th, 2017

* * *

The group was headed to Chicago. It was certainly a ways to go from Florida, but they wanted to put as much distance between them and the police as possible.

A few stops were being made along the way - such as Oswald getting a new phone for Pamela and Harley getting a thousand sharpies to draw on the Joker’s cast with and for everyone to sign it with. She even got Pamela to sign it, though this wasn’t _too_ surprising to the group. The Joker and Pamela got into fights with each other a lot. They never apologized for it, but they’d always just...move on. It’s just how it went with them.

They were stopped at a highwayside truck stop for fuel and snacks. Ed didn’t bother to get out of the bus and was laying down on his stomach in his seat searching through his phone to keep him distracted. After getting bored with everything he was finding, he checked on the blog.

The first post mystified him.

_I can’t believe I’m being indoctrinated in a bathroom_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:19PM)_

Ed stared at the post for a while, equally unsure if it was real and how to respond if it was.

_You what now_

_-Eddie_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:20PM)_

_There’s a cult member of something trying to get me to_ _  
_ _join his cult in the bathroom_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:20PM)_

Ed sighed and put a hand to his forehead. Pamela walked up to him after getting back on the bus from the truck stop.

“What’s wrong now?” She asked.

“Read the blog.” He said, not taking his hand from his face. She pulled out her phone and did just that, her eyes going wide and brow furrowing.

_Uh...leave???? Why are you still in there??_

_-Pamela_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:21PM)_

A few minutes passed before a response was given, which gave Selina enough time to get on the bus with her snacks and ask what was up. They pointed her to the blog.

_I thought you’d be the one trying to convince me to stay with_ _  
_ _them and you leave you all forever, Pamela._

_Also his whole spiel is fascinating. He’s so into it._

_I think he’s just one step away from drinking the koolaid_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:24PM)_

_What cult is he a part of?_

_Also yeah, get out of there Joker_

_-Selina_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:29PM)_

“Why are you encouraging him?” Ed asked, looking at Selina.

She shook her head as she crunched down a couple Doritos. “I’m not. I’m just curious.”

_They worship a giant worm who exists in the center of the_   
_planet where the core is. Also it came from heaven. Also it’s_   
_apparently eating its way out of the planet, which is where_ _  
_        earthquakes come from.

_And this dude is so into it._

_Oh! He’s seen proof!_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:31PM)_

_Honestly? He’s probably on something._

_I’m coming to get you if you don’t leave first._

_-Eddie_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:31PM)_

Oswald and Harley returned to the bus.

“What’s going on?” Oswald asked.

“Joker’s joining a cult.” Selina replied.

“That poor cult.” Oswald said back, making Pamela burst out laughing.

_Alright alright I’m coming_

_Oooh he gave me a pamphlet! Perfect road trip reading_ _  
_ _material_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:33PM)_

_You’re so weird_

_-Pamela_

_(6 JUL 2017 5:35PM)_

***

The group hit the road not long after the Joker got back on the bus. An hour into the drive and Selina glanced out the window to the highway lanes around them. She had been doing so off and on for the last hour while she was texting with Bruce, mostly forgetting that he could probably trace her texts and figure out her location. This last time she glanced out the window, however, she noticed something odd.

“Does anyone else think that white car is following us?” She asked to the other passengers, not taking her eyes off the white sedan slightly back from them in the lane besides them. “Because it looks really familiar.”

Harley pulled an earbud out and turned to look out the window. There were a bunch of white cars around them. “Which one? There’s like, five white cars.”

“I...I don’t know, they all look the same.” Selina glanced around, just now noticing the other cars. “Wait, now there’s seven.”

Pamela got up from her seat and leaned over to the window across the aisle from her seat on the side the other girls were on. She took her own turn looking over all the cars, considered it all, then leaned back over to her side and out those windows. There were more white cars over there, too.

“Ed,” she shouted up to the front. “Make Oz take the next exit. There’s ten white sedans that might be following us.”

Ed did just that. Oswald pulled the bus off the highway and onto the exit ramp. Ed glanced into the side mirrors and saw the white cars doing the exact same.

“What in the world…” he whispered to himself, then turned to Oswald. “They’re all still behind us.”

The Joker glanced back through the emergency exit in the back to the car directly behind him. The man in the driver’s seat of the car looked familiar, but he didn’t want to say anything to the group. At least, not out loud.

Pamela glanced back at the Joker as he pulled out his phone and started typing something up. She watched him with narrowed eyes until he was done, then pulled out her own phone to check the blog.

_You know that one in the car directly behind us looks_ _  
_ _like the dude who was trying to indoctrinate me earlier_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 7:06PM)_

She stifled her anger into a strained groan.

_Are you serious?_

_Did you seriously lead the cult after us??_

_The weird worm cult???_

_Are you serious????_

_-Pamela_

_(6 JUL 2017 7:07PM)_

_Using more question marks isn’t going to fix this_

_situation Pamela_

_-Joker_

_(6 JUL 2017 7:08PM)_

_We should have left you in that bathroom_

_-Pamela_

_(6 JUL 2017 7:09PM)_

Pamela rubbed her temples and shut her eyes, trying to keep herself from exploding. The worst part about being cult-stalked was that they couldn’t just drive off like maniacs since they were still trying to lay low from Florida. And of course, this was 100% the Joker’s fault. It always was.

They had gotten back onto the highway when Ed noticed that the car count had gone up to thirteen. And not long after he noticed that, the Joker got a call.

Everyone looked back at him, and he looked at them. They all exchanged glances, trying to figure out who in the world would call him. No one in the bus was on their phones, so it wasn’t any of them. And it couldn’t have been Batman since Selina had been talking to him not that long ago before he started out on an early patrol. The Joker looked down at his phone.

“You don’t have any other friends, right?” Pamela asked.

“Not really.” He said.

“Then who’s calling you?” She asked.

“Let’s find out.” He shrugged, then accepted the call. He paused after he held the phone up to his ear before turning to the group again. “It’s the cultist.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from Pamela that she tried to exhale as calmly as possible through a very strained sigh. “Oh really now?”

“What do I do?” He asked, directing it to Pamela.

“Well I’d suggest _get off your phone_.” She said, still trying her hardest not to lose her mind.

“Great idea.” He said. Without breaking eye contact with her, he disconnected the call and tossed the phone over the back of his seat to the one behind him. They stared at each other for a while.

“I hate you.” She whispered.

He tapped his cast. “I’m aware.”

 

It was almost ten at night by the time they felt they had finally lost the cultists. For hours they had been going down back roads and getting on and off the highway. And while they were happy to have gotten rid of the cultists, they were no doubt farther away from Chicago than they wanted.

Harley glanced out the window, catching sight of a giant billboard all lit up in the darkness of a corn field that had the word “HELL” written across it. With how the word was all in red and the background all black on the night sky, it almost looked like the word was just floating in the air, staring down at her as they drove past it. She turned to Selina, who was busy on her phone and sat in the seat with her.

“So…” she started, getting Selina’s attention. “Are we stopping near here for the night? Because we just passed a giant billboard that says ‘HELL’ in big capital letters with no explanation so I don’t really want to.”

Selina twisted her mouth and glanced up to the front of the bus. “I think we’re gonna have to. The bus has been making really weird noises since we hit that giant pothole. We’re gonna have to take it somewhere.”

Harley sighed. She had almost forgotten about the noise since it had been going on for so long. Earlier, they had gone down a pretty beaten up road to try and get rid of the cultists. It did manage to get rid of a bunch of the cars, but the bus hit a pothole, too, and hadn’t stopped making a sort of clattering noise up in the front since.

“Well shoot.” She said.

 

It took another hour to find a town with a mechanic to take the bus to in the morning. Pamela snagged the group a couple hotel rooms right across from each other, and so they were going to sleep there in peace until morning.

But this group never gets any peace.

Noises crept in through the windows, keeping the group from getting too good of sleep. It was a bit suspicious at first, but they kept telling themselves that, being in a rural town, it was just an animal or something. They lost the cultists long ago anyway.

Ed couldn’t sleep, though. His nerves were acting up and he couldn’t relax enough to sleep. So he instead just laid in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling. If the Joker had been awake next to him, maybe they could have talked through the nerves, but the Joker hadn’t moved for a while. And Oswald was over in the other bed turned away. Plus, Oswald wasn’t that much of a conversationalist.

After a few minutes, he went to his phone to just look through the blog.

_Guys there’s someone outside the hotel window_

_-Harley_

_(6 JUL 2017 11:25PM)_

Ed shot up, making both the Joker and Oswald get up in response. Apparently neither of them had fallen asleep either. And with how fast they reacted, they were probably just as on edge.

“What’s wrong?” The Joker asked.

“Harley just said that someone’s outside their window.” Ed replied.

The Joker stared at him wide eyed. “Are they still there?”

“I don’t know, that’s all she said.” Ed said with a frantic shake of his head and shrug.

“Well is the person doing anything?” Oswald asked, moving to sit on the edge of his bed and turn to the other two.

“She didn’t say!” Ed replied. His phone buzzed, alerting him to a new post on the blog. He pulled it open.

_THEY JUST TAPPED ON THE WINDOW SOMEONE PLEASE GET OVER HERE_

_-Harley_

_(6 JUL 2017 11:25PM)_

The three were immediately outside of the girls’ hotel room door.

“I don’t have a key, do you have a key?” The Joker asked to Ed as they stood outside the door.

“We didn’t trade keys this time.” Oswald said.

The Joker tensed up and turned to him. “Why not?!”

“Because we didn’t think we’d need them!” Oswald replied, tone and expression growing harsh.

“Well what do we do?” The Joker asked.

The door cracked open and Selina peered through. Within seconds of stepping back and opening the door just slightly more, the Joker rushed in, soon followed by Ed and Oswald. As soon as the Joker bolted into the room, Harley screamed, making everyone just about have a heart attack. Pamela flipped the lights on and Harley’s hands went to her face before she collapsed onto a bed. Pamela rushed over to her as the Joker froze in the middle of the room.

“I thought you were a kidnapper.” Harley said with a muffled voice, hands still over her face.

“Technically he did kidnap all of us from Arkham.” Oswald said with a sigh as the sudden shock of her scream washed away from him. She let out a slight laugh, and the others relaxed a bit themselves, though the Joker was still tense. Pamela left Harley’s side and stormed over to the window, ripping the curtains back. There was no one there.

“I’m going to kill whoever was out there.” She growled.

“I wouldn’t recommend it, Pamela.” Ed said, making her turn and glare at him. “I’m just saying that maybe you shouldn’t go out there. There could be more people. And for all we know, it could be the cultists.”

“We lost the cultists ages ago.” Pamela said.

“I mean, they could’ve-”

“ _They’re gone, Ed._ ” Pamela’s glare burned into him and he stayed quiet. She turned back to the window.

Oswald glanced over to Selina as the others - aside from the Joker - started to calm down a bit more. Selina had stayed rather quiet and was just leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, basically folding herself where she stood.

“Didn’t pin you for the type to get spooked by shadows easily, Selina.” He said. She just shrugged.

The groups switched rooms. While Oswald figured Pamela would be better to deal with whoever it was that had been outside the room since, well, the three guys weren’t as strong or violent as her and the Joker was even in a cast, he knew the girls were still freaked out. So Oswald settled on the fact he was going to have to rely on the oldest trick in the book.

Good thing the hotel didn’t check for guns.

 

It was two in the morning. None of them had fallen asleep.

The three guys were just sitting on the edge of one bed, staring at the window. The lights were off, and the only way they could see anything is from the streetlamp just outside that shone a white glow on the curtains. They sat in pure silence until a shadow approached the window.

Oswald stood up with the pistol, making Ed do a double take, but the Joker didn’t take his eyes from the window. Instead, he also got up, snatched the gun from Oswald’s hand, hopped over to the window, yanked the curtain down right after and slammed the gun against the glass. A grin stretched across his face and even a laugh managed to creep out, making both Oswald and Ed tense up.

The figure ran away immediately.

The Joker stayed at the window and watched, laughing to himself as he did. Ed and Oswald stared at him, neither moving to do anything about it as the laughter went on.


	7. Have You Heard About the Good Worm? (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang meets some cultists part 2

* * *

Leg 1 of the Journey

[ To Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/to%20chicago/chrono)

July 7th, 2017

* * *

The shop they had taken the bus to the night before wasn’t too far from the hotel, so they all decided to wait at the hotel until it was ready. According to Oswald, it’d only take a couple hours. The mysterious figures that had been hanging around the windows the night before hadn’t shown up again after they had seen the Joker with the gun, so everyone was feeling a bit more relaxed.

Selina elbowed the Joker as the group waited around in one of the rooms watching TV. The two of them were on a bed with Oswald, who sat back up near the headboard while they were down the foot of it. Pamela, Ed, and Harley were on the other bed.

“Hey J,” she said with a smile, making him turn to her. “Thanks for being our knight in shining armor last night.”

He smiled back. “You’re welcome! Batman’s taught me well.”

“Hey!” Ed cut in, making them turn to him. “Joker’s not the only one who came to help.”

“Ed, besides show up, what did you do?” Pamela asked with an arched brow.

“Oh come now, Pamela.” The Joker put out a hand towards Ed. “Ed was there for moral support!”

“Yeah! And I’m great at moral support.” Ed said, looking smugly at Pamela who just shook her head and grinned. Harley glanced up to the Joker from the bag of Sharpies she bought were in that she had been digging through.

“Joker,” she started. “I thought you said moral support was just another word for doin’ nothing?”

The Joker’s grin grew. “Yeah! And Ed was great at doing nothing.”

While the others laughed, Ed just shook his head. “I can’t believe this.”

“Sorry mom.” Harley said, pulling a fistful of Sharpies from her bag.

“No you’re not.” Ed said as he shot a glare back at her.

***

_(Posted half an hour later)_

__

_Harley’s turned Joker’s cast into a doodle canvas. It’s certainly made it a lot less boring to look at that’s for sure._

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 17 10:03AM)_

***

Oswald had just received the call that the bus was done in the shop. The group grabbed all of their belongings and were heading out of the hotel when they all took notice of the army of white sedans in the parking lot.

The cult had followed them.

“Oz, where’s your gun?” Selina whispered to Oswald as the six of them stayed frozen just outside the doors of the hotel.

“J never gave it back. He’s still got it.” Oswald replied, also in a whisper. The Joker was a bit aways - Ed and Pamela stood between them and the Joker with Harley being on the other side of him - and Oswald wanted to keep the Joker from hearing Selina and him talk.

“Why didn’t you take it back from him?” Selina asked, her whisper harsher than before. Whispers were going back and forth between the others as well.

“I invite you to try to take a gun from a defensive, unstable man who hasn’t held one in ages. Please. Go right ahead, Selina.” He said. His whisper matched her’s in harshness.

“Do you even understand what all he could do with that? Batman’s not here to tell him no!”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t try anything.”

Before Selina could respond, Ed smacked her on the arm. Her head snapped over to him and, with frantic eyes, he pointed to the cars. She glanced over and saw one of the cultists getting out of a car. A man dressed in pure white stood next to the open door, hands folded in front of him and with a smile on his face that wasn’t matched with his eyes. It was an empty and dead smile. The group felt a rush of cold go up their spines - and these were the people who had regularly seen the Joker’s more menacing smiles.

“Well hello again.” He said. His voice was honeyed and sickening to listen to.

“What do you want from us?” Oswald asked.

“Oh,” he nodded to the Joker. “We just want your friend with the broken arm.”

“‘Friend’ is a strong term.” Pamela mumbled with a glare to the cultist.

“What do you want with J?” Harley asked with her own glare. The cultist tilted his head and kept up his smile that he directed solely to the Joker who just stared in return.

“He seemed very interested in what I had to say yesterday.” The cultist said.

“I told you you should have left sooner!” Ed said and snapped his head over to the Joker. The Joker glanced over at him but soon after returned his gaze to the cultist.

Selina narrowed her eyes at the cultist. “So you chase after anyone who shows even the smallest bit of interest in your psycho religion?”

The cultist raised his eyebrows and looked at Selina. “Well, that’s a harsh way to put it.”

“Harsh?” Pamela laughed. “You’ve been stalking us and want to brainwash Joker.”

“We’re not here to brainwash him. It’s his own decision to make.” The cultist shook his head, then looked to the Joker again. “Do you want to come with us?”

The Joker just stared at him.

The cultist nodded. “I understand it can be a difficult decision to leave your friends like this, but-”

“Oh no,” the Joker said, left hand reaching into his deep shorts pocket. “I’ve made my decision.”

The cultist raised an eyebrow. “Oh you have?”

“Yeah.” The Joker said as he pulled the pistol out of his pocket and pointed it at the man.

“Joker, wait!” Selina shouted, moving to stop him as everyone else flinched back. The Joker fired the gun anyway. The bullet smashed through the glass of the car door window and into the other white car behind the cultist. The cultist didn’t even flinch.

“Sorry, this isn’t my dominant hand.” The Joker said, wagging the gun around in the air and grinning. “Hope the message didn’t miss you, though.”

“No. It didn’t.” The cultist sighed. “Well, you know how to contact us if you change your mind.”

And with that, the cultist got into the car and drove off, the other cars following right after. The six stayed frozen outside the hotel, some watching the cars and others watching the Joker.

He looked around at them and twirled the gun around his finger. “Let’s go get the bus then, shall we?”

 

They were on the bus and on the road not too long after that. Pamela was sitting in a seat with Ed. He stared out the window while she stared at the Joker who was sitting a few rows up from them with Selina. Harley was leaning over her seat to talk to them and laughing. Oswald was all the way up at the front driving again.

Pamela watched the back of the Joker’s head in thought. He still hadn’t given up the gun, but at least they weren’t in public anymore. She hoped he wasn’t going to use it on them all, though she decided not to bother him that day either way.

The bus had stopped making the noise they took it in for. She hadn’t asked what was wrong with it in the first place, but it didn’t really matter to her, as long as they got to Chicago soon.

“Red!” Harley shouted back, diverting Pamela’s attention from the Joker. She held up her phone. “What do you want on the road trip playlist I’m makin’?”

“You know for a fact I’ll only be happy if you put Tears for Fears and Peter Gabriel on there together.” She shouted back. Harley smiled and started messing with her phone, no doubt updating her playlist.

Pamela glanced out the window with Ed as Harley kept asking everyone for suggestions, soon enough banning Selina and the Joker from suggesting songs with their odd taste in music. Most were joke songs or songs deliberately chosen to get on people’s nerves. Others were just...weird.

She sighed as she watched the farms fly by. They didn’t know where they were and were all too stubborn to ask. She was just sort of hoping they’d figure it out soon before they ran into the cultists again.

Ed planted his head on the window with a _thunk_ and she glanced over to him.

“All I see is corn.” He said. She nodded and stared back out the window.


	8. The Windy City (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chicago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with this chapter because the next chapter is nothing but drama and pain

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/chicago/chrono)

July 7th, 2017

* * *

It took them practically 2 hours to find their way to Chicago. They saw a couple white cars on the way, making them all tense up when they spotted them, but they were never quite sure if it was the cultists or not. After some discussion, they decided it’d be best to stay in Chicago for only a couple days in order to have as little chance as possible in running into the cultists again.

The only other thing of note from the ride was that the Joker had taken some pain medication for his arm and fallen asleep, which allowed the group to sneak the gun away from him. Though they knew he had been working with Batman and none of them could really remember the last time he killed someone, it was still unnerving to be around him when he had a weapon.

They got a hotel with no issues (as Pamela was the one to snag it for them as per usual) and decided to head off and see the Sears Tower later on that night after getting dinner.

“They’ve got these glass boxes you can stand in and look down from the city in.” Selina said to the group while they ate. She had been reading up on the Tower before dinner. “It’s super cool and I definitely want to go in one.”

“Have fun with that, because I’m not going in one.” Ed replied. “I don’t even want to go up that high anyway but you guys are making me.”

Selina grinned over to him. “Oh, I’m definitely making you go in one with me.”

***

_(Posted after they got to the Tower)_

 

_Man it’s pretty up here._

_Kind of makes me miss Gotham._

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:01PM)_

***

Pamela leaned over to the window and stared down. She had been staying with Ed since he was antsy about how high up in the building they were, so she was keeping out of the boxes and by his side.

“We are so high up.” She said quietly to Harley (who had wandered over to them moments before) as to not freak Ed out more. “This building is so freaking tall.”

“This place is givin’ me intense feelin’s of Gotham in some places, y’know?” Harley said, looking out the window with her. “It’s kind of comforting.”

“Yeah.” Pamela stood back from the window and turned to Ed, who was standing a little bit away with crossed arms and tapping his foot on the ground as he looked around with frantic eyes. “You doing okay?”

“I don’t want to be here.” He said, not looking at her and crossing his arms tighter. “People are meant to be on the _ground_.”

She walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll be done here in a minute. You can just go sit down somewhere.”

Ed nodded, still not looking at her, and went off to find somewhere to sit. Harley stepped over to Pamela.

“I didn’t realize he had such a thing about heights.” Harley said.

“Yeah.” Pamela replied. “Third floor balconies are usually his limits unless he’s stressed, then he only sticks to first and second floors.”

They went over to the window again and looked out over Chicago, talking as they did. After a little bit the Joker came over and tapped Pamela on the shoulder. She turned to him, jaw clenched.

“What?” She asked. He looked out the window and thrust a thumb back to where he just walked from. There was a sound of two people arguing in that direction.

“Selina’s trying to drag Ed into one of the ‘glass boxes of death’ and Ed’s freaking out that it’s going to break and he’s going to fall and die and I think he needs some help.” The Joker replied.

Pamela didn’t even hesitate to sprint off in that direction. The Joker and Harley watched her run through the building over to them, shoving people out of the way as she did. The Joker couldn’t help but laugh at it all - she was just so determined to get to Ed. She even knocked over a tiny child, no doubt only six or so. But while she had ignored the shouts from everyone else, she froze, spun around, and picked up the kid, apologizing to the child and the family over and over before running for Ed again.

“Wow.” The Joker started. Harley glanced over to him. “I didn’t expect her to do that.”

Harley shrugged. “She’s not that evil, J.”

He paused. “Yeah.”

 

Pamela had snatched Ed from Selina’s grasp and the two were in an elevator heading down. Ed was in the corner, one arm tight across his chest and his other hand on his face. Pamela could hear him muttering to himself and had no doubt it was riddles. If she could hear them, she’d try to answer them for him, but she couldn’t make them out. He was no doubt keeping it quiet to not bother the few other people in the elevator.

Pamela pulled out her phone and glared down at it as she typed.

_I’m taking Ed down to the ground floor._

_Selina, I’m gonna kick you for this later._

_-Pamela_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:36PM)_

_Not if I run away fast enough_

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:40PM)_

_Didn’t take you for a coward, Selina_

_-Oswald_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:41PM)_

_Kitty’s a scaredy cat!_

_-Harley_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:42PM)_

Pamela shook her head and grinned as she led Ed out of the elevator and to the lobby. The two of them sat down in a couple chairs near the doors and she looked at her phone again.

_I’m not a coward_

_Pamela’s just slow_

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:46PM)_

She sneered at her phone.

_Now you’re getting more than just a kick_

_-Pamela_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:46PM)_

_J save me_

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:48PM)_

                                                                     _Are you kidding? I’ve got a broken arm_  
_and Pamela already hates me. Plus my_  
_only escape is alcohol._

_Of course I’ll help_

_-Joker_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:50PM)_

_I’m saved_

_-Selina_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:51PM)_

_Now you’re both dead together_

_Congrats on your deaths_

_-Pamela_

_(7 JUL 2017 8:52PM)_

***

It was hours after the fiasco at the Sears Tower. Pamela had chewed out Selina once everyone had gotten down to the first floor, but since it wasn’t too bad of a lecture from Pamela, Selina had just brushed it off. Once they had all got back to the hotel, the Joker just passed out face first on one of the beds in the guys’ hotel room and hadn’t moved since. Ed had thrown a blanket over him but hadn’t bothered him otherwise.

Ed laid on his back staring up at the ceiling in the darkness while the other two slept. He felt awful about Pamela’s plants again. She basically saved him at the Tower - granted, that was an exaggeration on his part, but still - and she even knocked a _child_ over to help him. She was so determined to get him away from Selina and the glass boxes of death.

He sighed. He hadn’t meant half of what he said about her plants, he was just stressed and angry. There was no reason to take it out on her. She had gotten everything out of their rooms and broken them out of the police station back in Florida (of course, with the help of Selina and Oswald but that’s not the point.)

She wasn’t a horrible roommate and wasn’t a horrible person either. She just got hot headed sometimes. Everyone does. Not to mention that she’s stuck on the road trip with her least favorite person ever, so he didn’t want to blame her for getting angry about her plants.

He glanced over to the window, the orange glow of the city peering through the white curtains. He’d probably apologize in the morning again and thank her for getting him out of the Tower too. Plus, she hadn’t even gotten _that_ mad at Selina, which he was also thankful for. Selina was just having fun, so he wasn’t mad at her. She pulled that kind of stuff all the time. At least tomorrow would be less stressful, they were just going to Shedd’s Aquarium (something Harley was super excited about with her intense passion for animals.)

He sighed again and turned over to go to sleep.

* * *

[ Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/chicago/chrono)

July 8th, 2017

* * *

 They went to Aquarium and Harley couldn’t stay still the whole time. She ran from tank to tank and never got rid of the smile on her face.

“You have no chill when it comes to animals.” Oswald said, watching her.

“I love the fishies!” She said as she put her face right up to the seahorses. She glanced over to him quickly. “And aren’t you excited about the penguins?”

“Who do you think I am?” He asked with narrowed eyes. “Of course I’m excited about the penguins.”

And so the group trailed after Harley for a few hours through the Aquarium. They might have stayed there all day if it wasn’t for the fact that she got so excited she tried to jump into the Beluga tank and thus got them all kicked out right afterwards. Harley seemed upset about it, but the Joker was proud of her. Getting kicked out of somewhere for being excited was the best reason to get kicked out in his opinion.

The group headed back to their hotel, though not long after getting back, Selina, Ed, and the Joker decided to walk around and see what places looked good to eat at that night.

Though plenty of people walked down the sidewalk, it wasn’t super crowded. The three of them were moseying along when something caught Selina’s eye. Her hands went up to the chests of the two besides her to stop them.

“Cat.” She said, her eyes wide and jaw ever so slightly dropped.

“What?” Ed asked, looking at her.

She pointed ahead to an alleyway near them. “ _Cat._ ”

The two turned in that direction. Sure enough, there was a cat sitting there right at the edge of the alley. It was dripping in dirty water and paws covered in mud as it sat by the wall. With sad blue eyes, it looked up at them.

Before either of them could react, Selina was already scooping it into her arms. The cat didn’t even protest, almost like it was waiting for her to do it. It curled up close to her chest and she held it tightly with a huge grin on her face she aimed at the other two.

“Cat!” She smiled, making it near impossible for them not to do the same.

“We can’t just take a cat into the hotel.” Ed said with a shake of his head though holding onto his small smile.

“Sure we can!” The Joker said as Selina started looking the cat over. He nodded to Selina. “Your jacket, if you would.”

Selina gave him a smirk, held the cat close, then zipped her jacket up, leaving the only traces of the cat as a giant bulge in her stomach. Ed glanced at her, then the Joker.

“Have you two done this before?” He asked.

The Joker smiled and looked at him. “You remember that time at your old apartment when we were living with you and we snuck up-”

“You didn’t.” Ed cut in, his jaw dropping.

“We did.” The Joker’s smile grew.

Ed glanced away in thought. “So that’s what the guy at the front desk kept asking about.”

Selina and the Joker broke out in a laugh, then the three of them headed back to the hotel, easily slipping unnoticed through the lobby and to the elevator. They were up in the guys’ room in no time. Selina ripped down the zipper of her jacket and pulled the cat out to present to Oswald, who just sat staring at it, surprised. He glanced up at Selina, who just stood there, holding out the cat with the biggest grin on her face.

“So you found a cat?” He asked.

“I found a cat!” She replied.

He looked back at the cat, then shrugged. “Okay.”

Her smile grew and she held the cat close again before kissing it on the head.

“You’re going to give it a bath, right?” Oswald asked. On the word ‘bath,’ the cat leapt from Selina’s arms, onto the bed, to the floor, and into the corner under the table. Selina, the Joker, and Ed jumped back in surprise from the suddenness of it, then hesitated.

“That was the plan.” Selina said.

“Then have at it.” Oswald said with a gesture towards the cat. The other three sighed, then did their best to try and capture the cat. Oswald, meanwhile, got on his phone.

_So Selina found a cat_

_-Oswald_

_(8 JUL 2017 2:24PM)_

_What? Where?? I wanna see it!_

_-Harley_

_(8 JUL 2017 2:25PM)_

Oswald laughed at Harley’s excitement, then watched the others corral the cat back to Selina, who took it up in her arms and into the bathroom to bathe it, making sure to shut the door behind her to keep the cat from escaping again.

_It’s in our room. She brought it inside because it need to be cleaned up._

_-Oswald_

_(8 JUL 2017 2:32PM)_

Harley was in the room in seconds, dragging Pamela right behind her.

And so the group got a cat.

It was a Ragdoll cat they named Saber who was missing one of his back legs, though with how he had been running around the room, they figured he was used to not having it. Oswald, Harley, and Pamela went out to buy some toys, grooming supplies, and food for him, and even a cat leash so they could take him around with them.

When everyone was back in the room and Saber was dry from his bath, they all sort of took turns getting him used to them. It was the easiest for Selina, since cats were usually drawn towards her anyway, but it also seemed about as easy for the Joker as well since Saber fell asleep right on top of his chest and he was too afraid to disturb Saber’s sleep.

Selina and the Joker ended up deciding to stay in the room with Saber (though this was mostly since the Joker had fallen asleep with Saber still on top of him) while the rest of the group went out for dinner.

Of course, after having gotten dinner, they all came right back to the room to play with Saber some more. Even Pamela couldn’t resist the cat’s adorable nature with how Saber kept rubbing his face on her. There was almost a war inside of her to keep herself from falling to the cat’s charm since, in her mind, she had basically assumed the position of power and anger in the group, but even she ended up saying ‘awww’ with how cute the cat was. She lost her edge and she didn’t even care.

She didn’t even care that much when the Joker got into the alcohol again. He was an idiot, sure, but a fun idiot sometimes.

***

_(Posted not long after the Joker got drunk)_

_This idiot my gosh_

_-Selina_

_(8 JUL 2017 9:52PM)_

***

As soon as the Joker hit the floor and the curtains fell down right on top of him, Saber sprinted off the bed and straight to the bathroom.

“Shoot.” Selina said, jumping off the bed and following after him, phone clutched tight in her hand.

Meanwhile, the Joker had fallen straight onto his arm and was in an incredible amount of pain, as evident by the near unending string of curses that shot out his mouth as Ed tried to help him up while Pamela and Harley pulled the curtains off him. Oswald just watched and chuckled to himself. Ed pulled the Joker from the floor and onto the bed nearby, where the Joker just clutched his cast covered arm and kept his eyes shut as tight as he clenched his jaw.

“You are an _idiot_.” Pamela mumbled as she tried to fix the curtains.

“Shut up, Ivy.” The Joker said, his voice quiet and strained through the pain.

“J, where’s your pain medication?” Harley asked as she glanced around the room.

The Joker waved a hand in the general vicinity of where the bags were. “Over there.”

“Is that a good idea with how much he’s had to drink?” Ed said with a look to Harley.

Harley’s mouth twisted as she considered it, but Oswald cut in first: “He’ll be fine. It’s Joker - he’s lived through worse.”

The Joker rolled over onto his side and groaned. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

“You’ll be fine.” Oswald said.

The Joker was given his pain medication, and not too long afterwards he was starting to doze off on the other bed that he had moved to. Harley was sitting across from him and smiling until a sudden burst of laughter from the bathroom made everyone (but the Joker) turn in surprise.

“What’s Selina laughing about?” Pamela asked from where she sat on the floor. “Isn’t Saber still hiding?”

Ed got up from the end of the bed the Joker was on where he had been sitting and walked over to the bathroom door to ask Selina what was up. Through her laughter as she explained, he could only glean a few things. He turned back to the others.

“Apparently she sent those pictures to Robin and I guess he said something funny back.” He said. Selina walked out behind him, still laughing.

“Guys you don’t understand,” she started. “He showed them to Batman, and Batman _laughed_. Like he laughed out loud.” She shook her head and put a head to her head. “I don’t know why but that makes me so happy.”

The others couldn’t help but smile themselves, and Harley even caught a glimpse of the Joker smiling at it too.

***

_(Posted about an hour later)_

__

_I mean I guess his pride would be a little hurt after this so yeah I guess he could be a little sensitive_

_-Selina_

_(8 JUL 2017 11:35PM)_


	9. The Windy City (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got really long and so instead of posting it all at once I'm splitting it up into two! So that next chapter will be up soon since it just needs to be edited.  
> Anyway, happy end of the semester! I can finally write again lol

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/chicago/chrono)

July 9th, 2017

* * *

The original plan for the day had been for everyone to just hang out together in one of the rooms with Saber in order to get him more used to everyone, but as soon as the Joker woke up, that plan changed. It was the worst mood the group had seen him in on the trip thus far. As soon as he was up, he had a scowl on his face. He snapped at Pamela over just about everything she said and seemed on the verge of shouting at everyone else over basically nothing. And when Selina’s phone went off, he got mad at that too, but she ignored him when she saw the call was from Batman.

“Hey,” she said, answering it, continuing to ignore the Joker’s complaints. She wasn’t concerned if he was tracking them since she figured he probably already knew where they were.

_“Hey,”_ he replied. He sounded as tired as usual. _“Is the Joker alright? I can’t get a hold of him.”_

Selina rolled her eyes and took a deep, quiet breath to keep from sighing. This was all he ever called about and all he ever asked about. Of course that’s what he called about again. Why should she expect any different?

“He’s being cranky.” Selina said, making Pamela let out a small laugh. To her, it wasn’t hard at all to figure out who Selina was talking about.

“Cranky’s an understatement.” She said before Harley gave her a light smack on the arm. Pamela just grinned at her frown. “What?”

“Is that Batman?” The Joker called, sticking his head out of the doorway of the bathroom as he was still getting ready for the morning (even though it was almost noon). He glared at Selina. “Is he calling about me?”

Selina glanced over to him. “Yes.”

“Well isn’t that _considerate_ ?” He said, still glaring. He threw a hand in her direction. “Why don’t you just put him on speakerphone? That way _everybody_ can hear about how awful I am. I’m sure _Pamela_ has something constructive to add.”

“Yeah, and it’s that you’re being an ass.” Pamela shouted back to him.

“What a great observation!” He sneered. “It’s like I’m learning how to act from the people around me.”

Pamela threw up her hands as he ducked back into the bathroom and slammed the door. Selina shook her head.

“I’m going into the hall.” She said, heading for the door. No one protested against it. Once in the hall and the door behind her had shut, she held the phone back up to her ear.

_“Has he been drinking again?”_ Batman asked.

“Of course he has.” She said. “He got drunk last night and fell right on his arm, which might be what this is all from but I don’t know. He could just be tired.”

_“Is he taking his medication?”_

Selina paused. She had totally forgotten about that.

Not that long after the Joker had started working with Batman, he had started seeing a therapist outside of Arkham. The therapist had helped him figure out some reasons behind some of the problems he had been having and had given him a few prescriptions to help out with it. Since then, he’d actually been getting a bit more level headed at the very least. The medication kept him calmer than usual and was helping him stay focused. He was basically the opposite of what he was now with it.

“I don’t know. I don’t think he is.” Selina said.

_“Well you need to figure it out. If he’s not on it, then that might be why he’s acting like this.”_

“Yeah, but I can’t just flat out ask him if he’s taking his meds in front of everyone. It’d put him in an even worse mood-”

“Selina?” A voice came from the doorway of the room, making Selina freeze up. Selina glanced over as Ed stepped into the hallway. A sense of relief washed over her. Next to Harley, Ed was probably the best one to have heard that. He’d be the most empathetic to it after all. Pamela would probably blab it to the rest and make it worse, and Oswald was...well he was Oswald. She didn’t trust him with basically anything when it came to the Joker.

She held up a finger to him to make him wait, then turned back to her call. “Look, I’ll check the room for it and see if he’s taking it. I’ll call you back if I don’t find anything.”

_“Alright.”_ Batman replied. She gave a goodbye and hung up the phone, turning back to Ed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Joker might be off his meds.” Selina said.

“Oh.” Ed replied. Selina noticed in his expression that he obviously wasn’t even aware the Joker was supposed to be on any. “So what do we do?”

“I’m thinking we should check if he even brought them with him first.” Selina said with a shrug. “Because if he did, he just might not have taken any yet today and that’s what’s going on, but we don’t want to out him or anything if that’s the case.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why exactly would that be a problem? I mean you guys know that I-”

“Look, he’s just weird about it, Ed.” Selina cut in. “It’s like he doesn’t want to ever seem vulnerable in front of us or something. I don’t know.”

Ed shrugged. “Okay. That’s fine.” He glanced back to the door. “It’ll probably be easier if everyone’s out of the room.”

Selina nodded. “Yeah. I’ll see if I can get them out.”

It took a bit of convincing to get everyone out of the room, but they all agreed to leave eventually to check out this weird little shop Harley saw the other day. None of them knew why Selina wanted them out of the room so bad, though they didn’t question it that much. And Ed said he was going to stay behind since he ‘didn’t feel well,’ which was a lie but none of the others seemed to notice. The Joker wasn’t going to leave at first, but Harley managed to convince him to go with them, much to Pamela’s dismay.

Once everyone was gone, Selina and Ed started their search. But after about an hour’s worth of searching through bags and belongings, they came short. Selina sighed and turned back to Ed who looked just as exasperated and concerned as she was.

“I’m not finding anything Eddie, are you?” She asked.

“No, I’m not either.” He shook his head, then paused and thought. “Is there anything we haven’t checked? Or maybe he took them with him?”

“I highly doubt he’d do that.” She took a deep breath. “Which, if he didn’t, means that he left his medication back in Gotham and hasn’t taken it for days.”

“He was living with Batman in Gotham, right? Can you call him to check if it’s still there?” Ed asked.

She nodded. “I’ll call him, yeah.”

So Selina called up Batman, and not too long after had some news to report-

The Joker forgot his medication in Gotham.

It was decided that once everyone got back to the room that Selina would talk to him about it, though not in front of everyone with how the Joker, reportedly, was touchy about the matter. She’d take him into the hall or to another room.

It all made Ed a bit nervous. While he knew the Joker was better than before even without the medication and he wasn’t really all that sure of what the Joker was taking or was diagnosed with in the first place, he knew what the Joker was capable of. If, perhaps, something or someone managed to get to him in just the right way, it probably wouldn’t be good. He worked off of his emotions, and if they’re left uncontrolled, there’s a lot that could happen.

Selina also told Ed that Batman would be trying to figure out a way to get the medication to them as quick as possible since there was no way the Joker would agree to go back to Gotham at this point. He’d see it as the end of the trip, so he’d definitely be against it. Not to mention that they’d have to drive all the way back there, which wouldn’t sit well with him either as far as they figured.

They finished talking it all over and Ed decided to check through his phone to clear his head a bit. He posted a couple updates on the blog, completely forgetting the others might read them, but also figured they wouldn’t be reading the blog while they were out anyway.

The only new post was from Harley:

_EDDIE!!!_

_I got you something I think you’ll really love!!!_

_(Also, I read the posts. Not J though, I think he_ _  
_ _left his phone in the room so he hasn’t seen anything._ _  
_ Do you want us to bring him back now?)

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:22PM)_

Ed scratched the back of his neck as he read over it. Of course Harley would’ve read it. Why’d he post anything?

At least it was her, though. She’d be the most understanding of it all.

_I bet I will. You always give the best gifts, Harley._

_(And not yet, Selina’s still trying to figure out what to say._   
_Have the others seen it?)_

_-Eddie_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:24PM)_

_:D_

_(No, do you want me to tell them?)_

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:25PM)_

_(No. Not yet. Selina says they shouldn’t know. She_   
_thinks Oz will turn J against us and Pamela could set_   
_set him off or something.)_

_-Eddie_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:28PM)_

_(Okay, just tell me when to bring everyone back!)_

_((It’ll be okay buddy <3)) _

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:28PM)_

_((Thanks Harley))_

_-Eddie_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:31PM)_

***

Harley and the others were looking through an odd little shop full of a bizarre collection of trinkets and souvenirs that didn’t quite match up with each other or the shop on a whole. The others were around somewhere and she was wandering around herself with Ed’s gift in a bag in one hand (a _#1 Mom_ mug because she thought it’d get a laugh out of him, or at the very least annoy him) and her phone in the other. Right as she slipped it into her pocket and her hand fell down to her side, a hand slid into it and held on tight. She started with a jolt and almost yanked her hand back until she saw the Joker besides her, not looking at her, but rather at everything else around them with frantic eyes.

“Geez, J,” she started with a tiny laugh. “You scared me. I didn’t even hear you come up behind me.”

“Sorry.” He replied. His voice was quiet and he still didn’t look at her. Harley watched him as they went around the store and his grip on her hand got tighter. His eyes were darting all around and he couldn’t hold still, shifting his weight from foot to foot anytime they stopped walking. From time to time, she’d catch him staring away and holding his breath before returning to an irregular sort of breathing. He didn’t look at her and he didn’t say anything unless she directly asked him a question, even then the response was barely more than a quick word or two.

“Are you okay?” She asked, stopping him and trying to look him in the eyes. They darted around a bit before locking onto hers, but he kept looking away. There was no response. His hold on her hand got tighter to the point it almost hurt.

She adjusted her hand’s position in his as best she could and asked: “Are you havin’ a panic attack, J?”

Again, no response aside from looking down.

She frowned. Silence was usually a ‘yes’ from him in this kind of situation. “Do you want to go back to the room?”

“Yes, yeah, yes, please yes.” He said, the words quick and basically blurted out right as Harley finished her question.

She nodded. “Okay, let’s go get Red and Oz and I’ll text Kitty and Ed that we’re coming back.”

He gave her a nod back in response before she started to lead him through the store to the others while typing away on her phone in her mostly freehand.

_Guys I’m sorry but we have to come back now_ _  
_ _I think J’s having a panic attack but he won’t_ _  
_ _really tell me if he is or not and I don’t want it_ _  
_ to get worse.

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:42PM)_

Harley tapped Pamela on the shoulder as they approached her and Oswald in another aisle. Pamela turned around and Oswald also glanced over to them.

“Do you guys wanna head back to the hotel? We’re kind of done lookin’ around.” Harley said. She didn’t want to tell them about the Joker’s probable panic attack since Ed implied they probably shouldn’t know about everything just yet, and she figured they weren’t going to argue with the suggestion anyway.

Thankfully, they didn’t, and so the group was headed off back to the hotel. Harley checked her phone as they started to leave the store.

_Yeah, bring him back._   
_But try to get Pamela and Oz to go to the other_   
_room without a lot of fuss. I just feel like they’re_   
_gonna make things worse._

_-Selina_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:44PM)_

The response made Harley furrow her brow and stare down at her phone. The others didn’t notice, which she was happy for since she didn’t want them reading it or asking about it just yet.

_Why do you keep saying they’ll make it_   
_worse, Selina? I mean in Oz’s case. I get_   
_that Pamela could maybe make him mad,  
        but I don’t understand what’s with Oz._

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:46PM)_

_Oswald is a huge enabler for Joker. He knows_   
_Joker’s got a problem with alcohol but he keeps_   
_buying it, he doesn’t ever tell him no, and I think_   
_he’d probably tell him that not taking his medication_   
_is a good idea or something._   
_Like, he’s almost trying to get Joker back to how  
                                    he used to be, you know what I mean?_

_-Selina_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:47PM)_

_Yeah, I definitely get that._

_Okay, I’ll get them to go to the other_   
_room, but I don’t want to leave J just  
        with you guys._

_I’ve personally never seen him get_   
_through a panic attack on his own and_   
_I don’t know how you guys would react  
        to it. No offense!_

_-Harley_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:49PM)_

_None taken._

_See you guys in a bit._

_-Selina_

_(9 JUL 2017 1:51PM)_

***

Unfortunately, Oswald and Pamela didn’t want to go to the other room no matter how hard Harley tried to urge them to. Instead, it made them want to stay in the same room even more. And of course, this was also at the point they were taking notice of the Joker’s unsteady behavior.

“You’ve been super weird today, Joker.” Pamela said from where she sat in an armchair by the window with one leg slung over the side.

The Joker turned to her with wide and angry eyes. “What about it?”

She shrugged. “Well, you’ve just kind of been weird lately, actually.”

“Pamela, don’t.” Selina, who stood by the TV and the Joker, said, shooting a look over to her. Pamela ignored it.

“Like when you had the gun and everything. You were absolutely terrifying. I was certain you were either going to shoot that dude and then maybe us and then run off or whatever.” Pamela said, adding a laugh. “Maybe to get away from Batman or something.”

The Joker held up a finger. “I wouldn’t do that.” He glanced to Selina with a certain sincerity in his frantic eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Selina said, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

“Are you sure?” Pamela asked. “You really didn’t want to give up that gun afterwards. You sure you didn’t have other plans for it?”

“No.” The Joker snapped, turning back to Pamela.

“Oh really?” She let out another scoff and gave him an unconvinced smile. “Then why didn’t you give it back?”

“Because he missed it.” Oswald cut in. He sat on the end of the bed near Pamela and watched the floor with a slight smirk on his face. The Joker glared at him. “Missed having a gun. Missed having the ability to kill.”

“Guys, seriously.” Ed said. He stood between the beds with his hands on his hips as he tried to keep himself calm enough to not start pacing.

“You really need to stop it. He’s not like that.” Harley added from where she was, nearly perched on the end of the bed near the Joker and Selina. Pamela raised an eyebrow at her.

“Then why didn’t he give up the gun?” She asked.

Harley shrugged and shook her head. “Well he probably-”

“Why the fuck do you care why I wanted the gun, Pamela?” The Joker interrupted with an almost lurch of his body towards Pamela who in turn sat upright in her chair.

“Because I didn’t want you to shoot me!” She said, a hand flying to her chest.

The Joker rolled his head back. “I wasn’t going to fucking shoot you, Pamela.”

“$20, J.” Oswald said, leaning back on the bed.

“Shut the fuck up, Penguin.” The Joker responded, directing his glare and anger now to Oswald.

“Then why did you want the gun? Why did you want it?” Pamela asked.

“Because I felt safe with that fucking gun!” The Joker said, turning the glare back to her.

“Why would you need to feel safe?”

He threw his unbroken arm out. “I don’t know! I just felt safe! Why is that such a problem to you?”

Selina set a hand on his right arm and gripped it tight. “J, I need to talk with you outside.”

He glanced to her. “Why? What’s there to talk about that they shouldn’t hear?”

She shook her head. “It’s about something you probably don’t-”

“Just fucking say it Selina!” He yanked his arm out of her grip.

“You’re off your medication!” She shouted. “You left it in Gotham!”

“I know I did! Why do you think I’m like this?” His hand gripped his chest. “Why I feel like this? Why do you think I’m yelling?”

Pamela furrowed her brow and looked at him. “Wait, what medication?”

The Joker turned to her and accentuated everything he said with wild hand gestures. “All my medication. The stuff I take so I don't lose my fucking mind! I haven't taken anything for a week and I'm losing it! The only reason I've been able to sleep at all over this trip is from the pain meds and alcohol. I can't concentrate, I can't relax, I feel horrible and I feel like I'm going to do something I can't take back at any second!”

Harley stood up as Selina stepped back. “J, you need-”

He put up a hand to stop her. “Don't tell me what I need, Harley. I don't deserve your help or anyone's help this is my fault that I'm falling apart I don't need anything.”

“J, stop. Come here.” Harley reached out for him and he jumped back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Leave him alone, Harley.” Oswald called out.

“Shut up, Oz. I’m not talking to you.” She shot a glare over at him before she took the Joker’s face in her hands and turned it towards her. “Look at me.”

He tried to shake his head out of her hold. “I don’t need your help I don’t-”

She pulled him into a hug and held onto him tight. “Stop talking and focus on my breathing.”

“Harley-”

“Breathe.” She said. “Match my breathing.” She could feel his rigid stance loosen slightly. “It’s okay. You’ll be fine. Just breathe.”

Selina turned to Pamela and Oswald with venom in her eyes. Pamela was just staring at the Joker, though her earlier frustration and menace was gone. She seemed more shocked than anything. Oswald just seemed annoyed.

“Get out.” Selina snapped. Pamela obeyed and left. Oswald didn’t move.

He shook his head. “Selina, he-”

“Get out.” Selina pointed back towards the door. “Go to the other room and leave us alone.”

For a moment, Oswald glared at her, but left soon enough, passing by Harley and the Joker as she kept telling him to relax and breathe.


	10. The Windy City (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gets a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway this is a weird chapter and will probably test some suspension of disbelief, but it's what happens so whatever

* * *

Leg 1 of the Journey

[ Chicago ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/chicago/chrono)

Still July 9th, 2017

* * *

It was about an hour after the whole argument. Harley had managed to get the Joker to calm down slightly and now had his head resting in her lap as they sat on the bed. He had his non-broken arm over his face like he was trying to hide it out of disappointment - or at least that was Selina’s best guess about why he hid it. Either that or he thought _they_ were disappointed. It seemed like even Saber wanted to comfort him since he hopped up onto the bed with the Joker, curling up in front of his stomach.

Selina and Ed were trying to give them space by standing away over by the hotel room’s door. The two were leaned up against the opposite walls of the hall to the door and watching, each considering different things. Ed was considering if he should go over to the other room and yell at Pamela and Oswald. His anger was boiling in him as he leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets and ankles crossed, though he kept shifting his position as he went over everything he’d like to shout at them. Selina was trying to figure out how exactly Bruce was getting the medication to them. They were half a day away, and he’d probably be trying to get it to them as soon as possible.

She twisted her mouth as she thought about it. He must have already figured out how to get it to them, though. He wouldn’t want to put this kind of thing off. So he must have figured out what to do and sent it that way right after she called him.

She knew Bruce had a few fast friends who could get it there basically immediately, but if that was the case then, well, it’d already be here. Not to mention that it’d have to be someone who knew about him working with the Joker, and most likely someone who the Joker would be comfortable with as well. And that’d be hard since his only friends were here-

Oh. Wait. There was someone.

“I’m going to the other room.” Ed said to Selina quietly as he pushed himself off the wall.

Selina glanced over to him. “Why?”

“Because I’m mad at them.” Ed said.

Selina glanced back to Harley and the Joker. The Joker hadn’t moved since he laid down with his head on Harley’s lap. She was whispering something to him to help him relax and stroking his hair.

“I’ll come with you.” Selina said, getting off the wall as well. “I’m still mad at them too.”

 

Yelling at Pamela and Oswald turned out to be basically pointless, but Selina and Ed were happy to get it out of their systems. In fact, Pamela didn’t even argue back - only Oswald did. She almost seemed to feel bad. Oswald certainly didn’t though, not that that really surprised Selina. He never quite seemed to regret anything he did. Admittedly, Pamela never did either, which made Selina even more surprised that she didn’t argue.

As Selina and Ed walked back to the other room, Selina’s phone buzzed in her pocket.

“What is it?” Ed asked as she checked her phone. He still sounded rather animated from the argument, but not actually angry.

She read over the text. It was from Bruce. Just as simple and to the point as usual.

> _\--Medication’s in the lobby_

“Joker’s stuff is here.” She said. “You go to the room, I’ll go get it.”

Ed nodded and headed for the room while Selina went for the elevators.

Soon enough she was at the ground floor. The doors of the elevators opened up to the lobby and she stepped off the elevator. And just like Selina expected, standing in the middle of the room with a bag in her patient hands, looking as gentle and friendly as usual despite the armor, was Wonder Woman.

A few months ago, Wonder Woman had started helping the Joker with being a better person alongside Batman. She had found out the Joker was having, to put it simply, ‘issues’ with Batman that were being ignored. Mainly the fact that, at that point, the Joker was just about trapped in Wayne Manor and hadn’t had any sort of human contact with anyone outside of the Manor for months. He couldn’t leave unless it was to go on patrol or call anyone without Batman monitoring the conversation. And so Wonder Woman stepped in and helped convince Batman to relax his hold on the Joker. In addition, she was acting as a sort of sponsor for him. He’d call her when he needed to, whether it’d be for encouragement or when Batman was getting to be too much.

It was certainly one of the more unexpected relationships to come out of the Joker and Batman’s arrangement.

Wonder Woman noticed Selina walking out of the elevator and smiled. Selina gave a slight wave as she came up next to her.

“It is good to see you again, Selina.” Wonder Woman said, giving Selina a tight hug.

“You too, Diana.” Selina said, hugging her back. She motioned back to the elevators after breaking off from the hug. “J’s up in the room.”

Wonder Woman nodded. “Bruce told me about what you said. How is he doing?”

Selina shook her head. “If I’m honest, not that great. He’s still getting over his panic attack, and last time I checked Harley’s trying to help calm him down.”

She nodded again, tucking a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. “Can I speak with him?”

“Yeah, I’ll take you to him.” Selina said before leading Wonder Woman with her back up to the room.

When they entered the room, the room’s occupants (excluding the Joker and Saber (since he was asleep on the end of the bed)) turned to attention. Harley was still on the bed with the Joker’s head in her lap, and Ed was in the chair by the window. The both of them were noticeably shocked to see the guest Selina had brought.

“Holy heck it’s Wonder Woman.” Harley said.

“Hello everyone.” Wonder Woman replied with a smile to Harley and Ed before turning to the Joker. “Hello Joker.”

He gave no response, so she tried again.

“I brought you some things from Gotham.” She said. Still no response. She turned to Selina and handed the bag over to her. “Here, I don’t think he wants to talk to me right now.”

Selina glanced into the bag. “Is this everything?”

Wonder Woman nodded. “It should be. A couple of other things that Robin thought would help, too.”

Harley and Ed continued to stare at her in astonishment before Harley shook her head and forced herself to take it all in.

“So…” she started, catching Wonder Woman’s attention. “Batman sent _you_ with the medication?”

“Yes, he did.” Wonder Woman said.

She cocked her head and furrowed her brow. “Why? Why you? I mean I’m not angry or anything. I’m kind of in awe. I mean, you’re _Wonder Woman_.”

The emphasis made Wonder Woman laugh, which made Ed’s jaw drop.

“Oh my gosh. Even your laugh is perfect.” He said.

She smiled at him. “I wouldn’t say I’m perfect.”

“I would.” He replied, forgetting himself in the moment.

She laughed again. “Well thank you.”

Selina set the bag down on the nearby dresser and said: “Wonder Woman’s been helping Joker through some of his problems with Batman. She’s the reason he’s allowed to leave the house on his own now.”

Ed sighed and glanced over to the Joker, who still had his arm across his face and hadn’t moved. “That may be a little hard to do now.”

“It will be fine.” Wonder Woman shook her head, then paused, looking at the still quiet Joker for a moment before turning to Selina. “How has the trip been so far?”

Selina shrugged. “Not bad really.”

“We met a cult.” Ed said, resting a head in the hand he propped up by his elbow on the arm of the chair.

Wonder Woman turned to him and paused for a moment with raised eyebrows. “Oh?”

“They worship a worm.” Harley said.

“I met their leader in a bathroom.” The Joker said, still not moving, though finally deciding to say something for the first time since the panic attack.

Wonder Woman turned to him again and gave a slight smile. “That must have been interesting.”

“They stalked us for a while.” Harley said.

Wonder Woman’s expression grew serious. “Have they stopped?” The group shrugged. Her mouth twisted as she looked over their uncertain faces. “Well, if they bother you again, tell me. I have dealt with worse than worm cults.”

Harley tilted her head again. “How would we tell you?”

“I’ve got her number.” The Joker replied.

Harley looked down at him. “You do?”

“I talk to her a lot.” He replied, making Harley’s confusion grow slightly more.

“She’s like his good guy sponsor.” Selina said. “Like if he was in Alcoholics Anonymous or something.”

“Oh.” Harley said. She seemed less confused, but there was still a hint of her not understanding the relationship between them, though that was probably on a different level than what Selina was addressing.

There was a quiet moment in the room before Wonder Woman broke the silence.

“Would you all mind if I spoke to him alone for a little bit?” She asked.

Selina shrugged and shook her head. “No, go ahead. We’ll be outside.”

“Thank you.” Wonder Woman replied as Selina turned to head for the door, picking up Saber from the bed as she did, and Ed got up from his chair. Harley didn’t move from the bed yet, instead looking to the Joker again.

“Are you gonna be okay, J?” She asked. He took his arm from his face and pushed himself up to an upright position on the bed.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He replied.

Harley stood up from the bed and kept an eye on him as she did, though he didn’t look at her. “Okay. We’ll be outside if you need anything.”

“I know. I won’t.” He said, staring at the floor. Harley started for the door, but paused and looked back at him before leaving. Wonder Woman gave her a reassuring smile. Harley didn’t return it, instead just turning and going out the door.

Wonder Woman turned to the Joker after everyone else left. He didn’t look at her, even as she walked over and took a seat on the bed across from him. She leaned towards him with her hands together and elbows on her knees, trying to move into his line of sight and make him look at her. Eventually, he did tear his gaze away from the floor and meet her eyes.

“You could have called me, Joker.” She said. He sighed and looked away again. She pursed her lips and tilted her head the other way. “You have not talked to me at all in a while either. Why not?”

He stared down at his cast and started to dig a nail into the edges near his fingers. “I don’t know.”

She watched him closely. “Do you not know or do you not want to acknowledge it?”

He looked away from the cast and further away from her gaze. She shifted towards the edge of the bed and closer towards him.

“Did you not want them to know?” She asked. He glared up at her.

“Of course I didn’t want them to know.” He said, before throwing a hand back towards the door. “Do you really think I want them to know about all my fucking problems? Or the fact that I’ve got _you_ talking me through it all?” He threw the hand up and glared down at the floor. “I already feel like I’m losing the only people who can tolerate me just by working with Batman, and now throwing _you_ in there just makes it all worse!”

Wonder Woman sat up straight and cocked her head. “Do you think that you are losing your friends?”

His glare shot back up to her. “Of course I do! Why do you think I started this road trip?” He shook his head. “It’s the last chance I’ll get to do something off the wall with them before they all cut off ties with me for good.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “What makes you think they won’t be your friends anymore?”

“Because Batman won’t let them!” The Joker shouted, jumping up from the bed as he did. Wonder Woman set a hand on his cast.

“Breathe, Joker.” She watched him staring back at her, visibly agitated. He looked away again and tried to get control of his breathing before sitting back down on the bed.

“We had an argument again. Before the trip.” He said before looking back at the ground again. He ran a hand through his hair. “It just...I started wondering again what would happen if it didn’t work out.” A shrug. “Because I figured at some point, they’d all get sick of me arresting them all the time with Batman and they’d stop talking to me. And if something happened with Batman _after_ that, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go anymore.” His hand went to his face. “I don’t know.”

“It scared you.” Wonder Woman said, her hand still on his cast. The Joker sighed in response.

“Please don’t tell them. Don’t say anything to them.”

She shook her head. “I won’t. But I want you to start talking to me again during your road trip. I’m sure they will let you be alone long enough to call me.”

He nodded. She gave a small smile to him as he let his hand drop from his face.

“Alright,” she said, taking her hand back from his cast. He looked at her. “I am going to leave you now. Will you promise to take your medication? I do not want to have brought it all the way here for nothing.” He nodded again. “Good.” She stood up and set a hand on his shoulder. “And if you run out, or something else goes wrong, tell me as soon as possible.”

“Okay.” He said.

She patted his shoulder and smiled wider. “It will be alright, Joker.”

He nodded again, and she left the hotel room.

 

The Joker had taken what he needed to and was just trying to relax in the room with Saber and Harley while everyone else went out to eat. Earlier, Harley proposed they should swap around the room arrangements slightly, moving her into Ed and the Joker’s room while Oswald was moved over to the room with Pamela and Selina. Since Harley had helped the Joker calm down earlier, Selina didn’t argue with the idea. Plus, she figured she’d be able to take on Oswald and Pamela if they started getting angry about the whole thing again better than Harley would. The fact that Selina managed to shoot down any opportunity for argument during dinner helped solidify that idea for her.

A few hours into the night, and Selina and Ed returned from dinner and were back in the hotel room with the Joker, Harley, and Saber. Pamela and Oswald had gone back to the other room after Selina wouldn’t let them back into the Joker’s.

While everyone else was droning on in some conversation, the Joker found himself much more mellowed out than before, though didn’t really feel like participating in the discussion. Instead, he just nodded along for a bit before checking the blog.

_I’m sorry._

_-Pamela_

_(9 JUL 2017 7:13PM)_

A tired smile crossed his face as he typed up his response.

_It’s fine._

_Come over and play with Saber._

_-Joker_

_(9 JUL 2017 7:15PM)_

_Are you sure?_

_-Pamela_

_(9 JUL 2017 7:16PM)_

_Yeah, he misses you._

_-Joker_

_(9 JUL 2017 7:17PM)_

And so Pamela came back over to the room, and not too much later, the Joker invited Oswald over as well. To the rest of the group, it seemed like he was feeling better about the whole ordeal, and so they silently decided to try to feel the same.


	11. Hit the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group start their trek down to St. Louis.

* * *

Leg 1 of the Journey

[ To St. Louis ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/to%20st%20louis/chrono)

July 10th, 2017

* * *

12:30am

Selina was awake, but not because she wanted to be.

For several minutes, she tried to calm herself down. It didn’t work.

The blog became active.

  _J please tell me you’re up_

_-Selina_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:37AM)_

_I’m up._

_I’ll meet you in the hallway. Don’t worry,_ _  
_ _you’re not dreaming._

_Everyone else is asleep. There’s a lounge_ _  
_ _downstairs we can talk in._

_Don’t worry, you’re awake._

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:39AM)_

_I’m bringing Saber._

_Thank you for being up thank you_ _  
_ _so much._

_-Selina_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:40AM)_

_If I wasn’t you know you can always come_ _  
_ _and wake me up. I know how it is. Don’t worry._

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:41AM)_

_I just didn’t know with everything_  
_that happened today if it’d be okay  
_ _or not_

_-Selina_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:42AM)_

_It’s always okay, Selina._

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 12:42AM)_

***

In the morning, the group had all gone down together for breakfast. Selina and the Joker hadn’t told anyone about what happened at midnight, nor did they intend to. And it didn’t seem like anyone else had read the posts yet or were going to bother reading them.

But when they arrived in the elevator to the hotel’s lobby, they found about 10 people all dressed from head to toe in white. Upon seeing this, the Joker pressed the button for their floor and the elevator doors shut once again.

“Who’s up for taking this road trip to St. Louis? Immediately?” Selina asked, giving a glance around to the elevator occupants. They all raised their hands.

And so the group left the hotel and got back on their bus, just barely managing to sneak past the cultists that were milling about the hotel in search of them. Years of escaping Batman had prepared them for moments like those after all.

The ride was fine for a few hours. Saber was doing fine, jumping back and forth between people’s laps and exploiting Selina’s love in exchange for treats. The Joker was much calmer than he had been on the trip thus far and even managed to get along with Pamela. Granted, that was until the radio stopped working, because then Selina and the Joker started singing in place of it. Which would have been fine if it hadn’t been Selina and the Joker singing.

“They’re not even trying and it doesn’t help that they’re singing the most annoying songs ever.” Pamela said, digging her forehead into a seat in front of her and covering her ears with her hands. It wasn’t doing anything to block out the singing. “I want to rip my ears off.”

Harley, sitting in the same seat next to her, gasped. “You don’t like Smash Mouth?!” Harley shook her head and frowned. “For shame, Red, for shame.”

Not even half an hour later, Pamela was curled up on her seat with her hands even tighter over her ears. Selina and the Joker had both taken notice of her disdain and moved to the seats around her and started to sing even louder.

“Please abandon me at the next gas station. I’ll hitchhike my way to St. Louis and meet you all there!” Pamela shouted up towards the front without at all moving from her seat. “I can’t stand this singing anymore. Just let me be free.”

Selina laughed and leaned over her seat to playfully smack Pamela’s arm. “Oh come on, Pam, you’ll like the next song. I promise!”

Pamela glared up at her. “Is it ‘Stacy’s Mom’? For the third time?”

Selina twisted her mouth to hide her smile. “Well not anymore it isn’t.”

 

About an hour later, the bus made a very odd sound. But since it stopped moments afterwards, they all shrugged it off.

Ten minutes later and the bus had stopped completely.

The group was stranded.

Thankfully, that stretch of the highway was rather barren of cars, so they wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hitting them if they hung out on the guardrails by the highway or anyone hitting the bus, as it had stopped dead in the center of the outside lane. Unfortunately, this also meant there weren’t a lot of people that would be willing to stop by and help.

While Ed and the others busied themselves with trying to get help, Harley and the Joker got bored, and so they went on a walk through the woods next to the road. Of course, they didn’t tell anyone, but that wasn’t something they were worried about. It’s not like the group was going anywhere.

They found a creek in the woods, and being absolute children at heart, they started building a city of sticks nearby it.

“We’re calling it Stickville.” Harley said.

The Joker smiled, setting a few more sticks on the roof of Stickville’s city hall. “A most perfect name.”

For almost an hour they had been setting up the city of Stickville. It had roads, a mansion, plenty of houses, and a prison among other buildings. It even had local residents like Miss Ladybug and Mr. Cricket.

But after so much time and again, being children at heart, they wanted to destroy it.

As Harley started redirecting the water from the creek towards Stickville, the Joker went to the blog.

_Ed have you still not gotten a hold of a tow truck or anything?_

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 3:55PM)_

“This is why you shouldn’t build near water.” Harley said, dragging her stick through the mud to the reservoir she and the Joker dug that sat just above Stickville on a little hill. Water from the creek started to pour in after her.

“We ought to give the zoning committee a piece of our minds.” The Joker said before glancing back to his phone.

_No, and no one’s stopping to help._

_Some people did come by and put a bunch_ _  
_ _of orange traffic cones around the bus though._ _  
_ _Pamela threw my shoe at their van as they_ _  
_ _drove off without helping us._

_Wait, where’d you go?_

_-Eddie_

_(10 JUL 2017 3:56PM)_

_Harley and I got bored so we went on_ _  
_ _a walk through the woods._

_We found a creek and built a tiny city_ _  
_ _out of sticks on the bank. We called it_ _  
_ _Stickville._

_We’re also trying to redirect the water_ _  
_ _so we can flood and destroy Stickville._

_It’ll be tragic._

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 3:58PM)_

“They get anyone yet?” Harley asked, standing up straight next to the Joker and watching the water pool in the reservoir.

“Not yet.” He replied.

_How’d Pam throw your shoe? Weren’t_ _  
_ _you wearing it?_

_-Selina_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:03PM)_

“What’re they doin’?” She glanced over his shoulder to read his phone.

“Property damage.” He said. Harley took out her own phone.

_I was sitting on the guardrail next to_ _  
_ _the road looking for mechanics like I_ _  
_ _have been for an hour and she shoved_ _  
_ _me back and as I was falling she pulled_ _  
_ _my shoe off._

_It was pretty efficient work. Except now_ _  
_ _I’m dirty and missing a shoe._

_-Eddie_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:04PM)_

_Make her go get your shoe._

_-Joker_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:05PM)_

_I would have if it hadn’t gotten run over_ _  
_ _by a semi._

_It doesn’t even look like a shoe anymore._

_-Eddie_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:07PM)_

_Rip in pieces, Eddie’s shoe_ _  
_ _We hardly knew ye_

_-Harley_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:08PM)_

Harley stuck her phone back into her pocket. “Okay!” She jabbed her elbow into the Joker’s ribs. “Let’s let manmade Mother Nature kill a city!”

He waved a hand towards the reservoir. “Miss Quinn, if you’d be so kind as to commence their watery graves.”

“Why of course.” She curtsied to him right before kicking down the reservoir’s wall with her heel, letting loose the pool of water and the stick city below.

 

The rest of the travelers were still hanging out by the bus when the next message came in half an hour later.

_A moment of silence for Stickville._

_They knew the risks of living so close to_ _  
_ _water, but still, they were unprepared  
       _ _for the flood their Overlord created. Now  
       _ _their rich history has been wiped away  
       _ _like the sands of time._

_They will be missed._

_-Harley_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:26PM)_

Ed read it over and raised an eyebrow.

_Rich history? Didn’t you just build that_ _  
_ _city?_

_-Eddie_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:28PM)_

_You’d be surprised how quickly J and I_ _  
_ _can world build in an hour_

_-Harley_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:29PM)_

There was a noise and Ed looked up. A white van approached their bus slowly, then stopped. Out of the van came people, all dressed in white.

“Shit.” He whispered.

 

As Harley and the Joker made their way back through the woods towards the group, their phones went off with a notification from the blog.

_You two better get back here as soon_ _  
_ _as possible._

_-Oswald_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:39PM)_

_Why? Did someone stop to help?_

_-Harley_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:40PM)_

_Well, someone certainly stopped._

_-Oswald_

_(10 JUL 2017 4:44PM)_

Both having read it, Harley and the Joker exchanged glances, then quickened their pace to get back. At the edge of the woods, they could see the group and the several people in white. The two of them stopped dead and bent down into the underbrush, managing to stay just out of sight.

“Is that the cultists?” The Joker asked, voice almost deadpan.

“Are they seriously still following us?” Harley’s voice was a harsh whisper that could just barely classify as a whisper.

“It looks like it.” He replied. His eyes darted between them all. “I think there’s about...five or so. They must have come in that windowless kidnapper van.”

The two were quiet, then the Joker got an idea.

“Harley,” he started. She turned to him. “Do you think we could fit everything from our bus in that van?”

She furrowed her brow and looked back to the scene on the road before them. “I mean it’d be a tight fit for everything and all of us. Why do you ask?”

He grinned. “I’ve got a plan.”

 

The cultists had Ed, Pamela, Selina, and Oswald backed up against the bus while their own backs were to the woods. One stood in the middle of the group in white with arms crossed and glaring at the travellers.

“We know you have him.” She said.

“Why are you so obsessed with Joker?” Selina asked.

“He knows why.” A different cultist said.

“That literally makes no sense.” Ed said with a shake of his head.

“He’s the Chosen One.” The first woman cultist stated. The travellers paused for a moment before Pamela burst out laughing.

“He’s what now?” Selina asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

“The only thing that man would ever be chosen for is a _lineup_!” Pamela howled.

The cultist woman glared daggers at her, but Pamela was unphased. “Do not mock-”

A rock flew up out of the woods and smacked the woman in the head, cutting her off.

“Ow!” She shouted, then spun around to the trees. “What the-?”

Standing at the guardrail were Harley and the Joker, each with an armful of rocks.

“A+ shot Harley!” The Joker said, shooting a grin to Harley before nudging her with his elbow. “I ought to take you to a carnival with an arm like that.”

She smiled at him. “Why thank ya!”

The second cultist shouted at them: “What are you-?”

Harley launched a rock right into his mouth, making him choke on it.

“Don’t think I want to be part of a cult where eating rocks are part of the meal.” The Joker said with a twist of his mouth. Harley chucked another rock at the cultists, who were now ducking and leaping away from the onslaught.

“You know you guys can help right?” Harley shouted to their group.

“Just planning on it.” Selina said before she and the others descended onto the cultists. Harley threw several more rocks into the mix and the Joker dropped all his to the ground next to her. She glanced to him.

“Finish up with the rocks, Harley,” he said. “You’re a better aim than I am.”

“What’re you gonna do?” She asked. He vaulted himself over the guardrail and started for the cultists’ van.

“The Chosen One’s going to borrow the cult company van!” He shouted back.

As the rest of the group fought with the cultists, the Joker leapt into the van. To his gracious thanks, the keys were still in the ignition. With a turn of the key, the engine roared. The others stopped. There was a moment of pause before the road trip crew leapt out of the way back towards the bus and the van barreled straight for the cultists. They sprinted off for the woods right past Harley. She ran for the road right as the Joker flipped the van around. He stuck his head out the window.

“I don’t think they’ll mind if we take this to St. Louis with us, do you?” He shouted to the group.

“Not at all!” Harley shouted back.

And then, after the group had rushed to move everything essential from the bus to the van, they headed off once again for St. Louis.


	12. The Gateway City (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to St. Louis it's time for things to go wrong again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I die like this chapter: unedited and tired  
> (I might edit it in the future though)

* * *

 Leg 1 of the Journey

[ St. Louis ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/st%20louis/chrono)

July 10th, 2017

* * *

The group had arrived in St. Louis in their stolen cultist van an hour prior. Now, a bit after 8 at night, everyone was hanging out in the guys’ room at the hotel, searching on their phones for things to do in the city. Harley begged to go to the free zoo the next day, and Selina added that perhaps on a different day they could go to a place known as the City Museum with a 10 story slide. They all continued talking about what places to go over the next few days up until a sudden screech came from Pamela. The whole group jumped and the Joker shot up from where he laid on the floor to turn to her.

“What in the world was that for, Pamela?” He asked, almost in a shout and almost with a laugh. Pamela leapt onto the bed next to him from where she stood and leaned across towards him, eyes kept on her phone the whole time.

“There’s a botanical garden and they have a blooming Titan Arum,” she said, then glanced around at everyone in the group. “Guys, please, we have to go see it while we’re here, I’m _begging_ you. I’ll even pay for gas for the next three stops, _please_ , I just have to see it!”

The Joker smiled, as did the rest of the group. He replied: “Okay, okay, try not to get a boner over some plant.”

Pamela glared at him. “ _I’ll get a boner if I damn well please._ ”

And with that, the whole group burst into laughter. The Joker was the first to get control of himself.

“I’m so glad you’re on this trip.” He shook his head. “What’s so special about this flower, anyway?”

Selina cut in. “Wait, J no-”

“It’s a giant flower in the Araceae family that grows in the rainforests of Indonesia and Sumatra and some parts of east Malaysia. It’s shaped a bit like a calla lily except way bigger and doesn’t have a stem like the lily. There’s green on the outside of the spathe and burgundy on the inside and has a spadix that sticks real high out of it. It takes about 7-10 years for the flower to bloom for the first time, but after that it varies. Since the male and female flower grow together in the same inflorescence with the females opening first, the flower has issues with self pollinating. The corm (the underground plant stem to help the plant survive some types of harsh conditions) of the flower can grow up to over 100 pounds.” Pamela said, almost all in one breath. “Also it’s considered a carrion flower because it smells like corpses and it’s often pollinated by flesh flies and beetles that eat meat.”

The group paused, trying to take in everything she spouted out.

“It smells like what now?” The Joker asked.

“Corpses.” She replied.

“Why do you want to see this flower again?” He asked.

She grabbed his shirt collar and pulled his face towards her. “Because I fucking love plants.”

* * *

[ St. Louis ](https://rogues-trip.tumblr.com/tagged/st%20louis/chrono)

July 11th, 2017

* * *

Up until everyone left for the zoo that morning, Harley hadn’t stopped prodding them to hurry and chanting ‘zoo’ over and over. In fact, she hadn’t been able to sit still in the van until they got there, and even then Ed had to hold onto her so she didn’t just run off. As she dragged him over to the map, he flipped through his phone to check the zoo’s website.

“Wow,” he said to Pamela as the rest of the group looked over the map. “They’ve almost got 20,000 animals here.” He glanced to Harley. “And I bet you want to see them all.”

Harley smacked her hand down on the giant plastic map in utter, uncontrollable energy. “THEY’VE GOT HYENAS! That’s where we’re going first!”

And in a split second, she jerked Ed’s hand along with her and was dragging him, and in turn the rest of the group, with her.

After heading through the almost jungle-like path (that Pamela was rather in awe by with how many plants were growing along it) and passing by some other exhibits (that, even though she wanted to see the hyenas so badly, Harley couldn’t help but stop at each one), they reached the hyenas. Harley pulled away from Ed’s hand entirely and ran right up to the wooden and metal railings to watch the hyenas lying about in the midday sun. Pamela was doing her best to keep Harley from falling over into the exhibit and to keep her from calling the hyenas over - which wasn’t helped by the fact that the Joker was doing it too.

“She’s gonna get us kicked out just like with that aquarium.” Oswald said to Selina as they watched the fiasco. “Maybe we should get her a leash so she doesn’t jump in or something.”

Selina gave a short laugh in response, though it grew louder once Pamela actually had to pull Harley back and over to a bench when she tried to get over the railing. As Pamela explained to Harley why she can’t just jump into the exhibit with the animals, Ed walked back over to Oswald and Selina.

“Gosh, Harley looks so sad.” He said.

“Ed, she’s a grown woman. She’ll be fine.” Oswald replied.

Ed shrugged. “Yeah, sure. But she still acts like a kid when she gets excited.” He glanced around. “Speaking of which, where’d Joker go?”

Selina looked at Ed. “Weren’t you watching him?”

“Sorry, I’m back,” the Joker said, coming up behind the group and onto the other side of Oswald. “I had to check something.”

Selina tilted her head at him. “What were you checking?”

The Joker watched Harley and Pamela for a second, then shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I was wrong anyway.”

Ed furrowed his brow. “I have so many questions.”

The Joker answered none of them as Harley stood up from the bench and Pamela waved them all over, signalling that they were moving on through the zoo.

Later on as they were walking through the zoo to further in exhibits, Harley was searching through the paper map they picked up to figure out where they should go next. As she spotted a certain marker on the map, a smile grew on her face and she prodded Oswald in the shoulder with her elbow.

“Oz! They’ve got penguins here too!” She beamed. Oswald gave her a look for a moment, confusing her. He almost seemed angry.

“Well _of course_ they do Harley.” He said. “Penguins are nature’s perfect gift to the world. A zoo without penguins would be an abomination.”

She let out a laugh and the group headed on towards the penguin house. And upon entering the penguin house, Ed made several odd observations. It started with the fact that the penguins wouldn’t stop watching Oswald. And then, slowly, they all started swimming towards him. As they lined up by the glass walls of the tank, they floated around on the surface and started to make all sorts of noises at Oswald, which Harley kept trying to get him to respond to. And that all led to the Joker losing his mind and laughing harder than Ed could remember him doing for a long time.

And, of course, since Oswald loved penguins about as much as Harley loved hyenas, he couldn’t help but give in and pet them.

“Oz, don’t pet them! We’re gonna get in trouble!” Ed said. Oswald ignored him and Harley started petting them too. “And don’t let her pet them either!”

They didn’t listen to him, which made him drag his hands down his face and whisper to Selina: “We’re gonna get kicked out.”

“It’ll be fine.” Selina said, waving a dismissive hand. The two continued to watch as Pamela and Harley started picking kids up to let them reach over the tank wall and pet the penguins too.

After the penguin house (and just barely managing to drag Oswald and Harley out of the gift shop before they were truly tempted to buy out the whole store), the group found themselves amidst a growing crowd, all watching a polar bear attempt to drag a barrel underwater for ten minutes straight.

“I’ve never related to something so hard in my life.” Pamela said over to the noise of the people around them in awe of the powerful animal having such trouble.

Selina barely held back a smile and looked at Pamela. “How could you possibly relate to this? I mean I’ve seen you get stubborn over things before, but this is like a whole other level.”

Pamela turn away from the polar bear, even as the rest of the group turned to look at her. “One time when Batman and Joker were going after me Joker and I ended up in the river and I tried to drown him but he wouldn’t stay down.”

They all watched her for another moment. Selina turned back to the polar bear.

“Wow.” She said. “I really didn’t expect it to be so eerily similar.”

“I’m convinced at this point that Joker can’t die.” Pamela replied, still watching the bear. Everyone else turned back to it as well. “Something in this cruel universe won’t let him.”

“I’m glad someone’s finally on the same page as me.” The Joker said.

A bit later the group decided to stop for food - up until Harley spotted the carousel and made everyone ride it with her. Almost surprisingly, none of these full grown adults argued with the idea. But only _almost_ surprisingly.

Afterwards, they regrouped and were going back to the idea of getting lunch until they realized that both Harley and the Joker had disappeared. The remainders of the group checked over the carousel again and the nearby food stands, but couldn’t find them.

“Seriously,” Pamela said with a glare to the crowds around them. “Do we need to give them bells or something? Or like, really tall flags?”

“I’m still partial to Oz’s leash idea.” Selina said. “But yeah, really. Where are they? Harley was the one complaining that she was hungry.”

Ed walked over to the group soon enough, with both Harley and the Joker in tow. Neither looked any bit sheepish about their disappearances. In fact, Harley was absolutely ecstatic and held a stuffed animal in her arms she didn’t have before then, and the Joker was just grinning as usual.

“Found ‘em.” Ed said to the others, arriving back over to them before the Joker and Harley did. “Joker took Harley into Build-a-Bear. Apparently earlier when he ended up trailing behind he was looking up if they had hyena stuffed animals there, but they didn’t. He took her there anyway because, well, that’s what he does.”

Harley held out the stuffed animal to them. It almost looked like a hyena and was dressed in a doctor’s coat.

“He’s an African Painted Dog and I named him Doctor Bones and I love him.” She smiled. The rest of the group sighed and she just smiled wider.

 

Once everyone had finished lunch, they went over and watched the gorillas. Harley kept pointing to different ones and telling members of her group “That’s you.”

Pamela’s was the one throwing things at the other gorillas.

“Thanks, Harley.” She grumbled. Harley just smiled and went over to Ed to point out which one was him (it was the one tidying up a mess of hay by a tree.)

Pamela glanced over to Selina, who was taking pictures of one just hanging out in the back in the shadows. There was no doubt in her mind who Selina was sending the pictures to. Especially after she burst into laughter when she got back a response and then proceeded to show it to the Joker too. That ended up making them both lose it.

“What’s so funny?” Pamela asked.

Selina pulled herself together enough to reply with: “Robin replied to the picture I sent him and said that gorilla’s the secret love child of Batman and Gorilla Grodd.” She shook her head, still with the giant grin on her face. “I love that boy.”

Pamela gave into her own smile. “I thought you were going to send that picture to Batman.”

“I did but he’s not funny.” Selina replied.

 

The group kept a steady pace through the zoo for a while, stopping by the rather gorgeous World’s Fair Flight Cage and through the exhibits of animals such as giraffes and zebras. The pace only faltered once Selina spotted the big cat exhibits and just about lost her mind trying to spot them.

“Why are they hiding?!” She near shouted as she leaned over and stared down into the tiger’s exhibit.

“I don’t know. Maybe they’re all sleeping.” Harley said, standing next to her. Selina just about collapsed against the fence.

“But I love them and I want them.” She said, her voice sounding even more heartbroken than when Harley had to leave the hyena exhibit. “This always happens when I’m at the zoo and I’m so sad.”

“I think there’s a leopard or something sleeping over here.” Pamela called from the other side of the observation path.

Selina perked up immediately and leapt up from her crumpled position. “ _Show me!_ ”

The Joker, Oswald, and Ed watched as Selina ran over to Pamela and the leopard exhibit.

“And here I thought no one could top Pamela’s excitement over a plant.” The Joker said.

The three stared at Selina as she watched the leopard napping on it’s rock in the exhibit. Her hand was to her mouth and even from where they stood they could all tell she could barely contain her happiness.

“Is she crying?” Ed asked.

“Probably.” Oswald replied.

“She just really loves cats a lot.” The Joker said.

It took a good long while before Selina composed herself enough to leave the big cat exhibits. The group headed along the path once more and over towards the bird house.

“So we’re gonna stop there first,” Selina said, pointing out the large stone building to the group. “Then over to the reptile house and then the monkey house, and then we’ll head out and over to the Botanical Gardens. Sound good to everyone?”

“Absolutely.” Pamela grinned.

Ed let out a curt laugh, making everyone glance over to him. “There’s no way I’m going in the reptile house.”

“Why not? Got a problem with snakes, Eddie?” Harley asked, then hopped over to walk up close behind him. She leaned as far as she could up to his ear and in a harsh whisper, tried her best to creep him out with: “The creepy, slithery snakes that hiss and slither everywhere?”

Ed turned to her and shot her a look. “Forget the snakes. It’s a herpetarium - they’ve got frogs in there.”

Harley’s mouth dropped and a giant smile took over her face afterwards. “Oh my gosh! Eddie, you’re afraid of _frogs?_ ”

“Yeah, I am, Harley.” He shook his head. “They’re gross and slimy and small and have those creepy beady eyes and those creepy long toes and it’s making me uncomfortable just thinking about it.” He shivered his discomfort away and rolled his shoulders back with a grimace. “I’m not going in there.”

She laughed and gave him a slight shove. “It’s okay Eddie, I’m just teasing. You don’t have to go in there.”

“Good.” He said.

Not much happened in the bird house aside from everyone coming across the random bird that managed to sneak out of its cage and just decided to walk around the building. Harley tried to make it her friend, but it didn’t seem interested. The group headed on over to the reptile house after their tour around.

“You sure you’ll be fine waiting outside for us Ed?” The Joker asked. “You don’t have to look at the frogs.”

“I’m absolutely positive I’ll be fine out here.” Ed said without even a beat after the question. “I don’t even want to be in the same room as those creatures of vile misfortune.”

Harley gasped. “Creatures of Vile Misfortune is my new band name.”

Selina glanced at her. “You have a band?”

“No,” Harley frowned. “But I want one now.”

Ed spent his time searching back over the blog while waiting on the stone half wall outside the reptile house for the others. The trip was going surprisingly well, in his opinion. Even with the cultists, the Joker’s broken arm, and all the other nonsense, he actually expected it to have gone worse. In fact, he hadn’t even really had any sort of episode of his own since the trip started - barring a slight one at the Sears Tower - which surprised him even more. Usually he was easier to set off than this.

But as he scrolled through the blog, he found an issue that tore at his senses and threw him off. And of course, the only way he could even hope to relieve some of that anxiety, was through riddles. Since everyone else was inside, he just forced himself to type them up instead, though he did whisper them under his breath as well. He couldn’t help it.

A bit later, the group was out of the reptile house and back with Ed. At first, they weren’t phased by the sudden introduction of the riddles - they just about expected it from him at this point. But it started to nag at Harley as they headed through the park for the entrance they arrived at.

“Is Ed okay?” Harley whispered to Pamela. “He’s nonstop been spoutin’ riddles since we got back.”

“He’s been pretty quiet with them so far on the trip, so he could just be letting it all out right now.” Pamela shrugged, listening in as the others played along and answered Ed’s riddles. “Sometimes he just does this.”

Harley twisted her mouth in thought for a moment. “Are you sure? It’s kind of constant. I mean…” she shrugged as well. “...J and Oz and Kitty are doin’ a real good job of answering them and keeping him occupied, but I don’t know.”

Pamela sighed and watched Ed. He did seem a bit frazzled, but in her experience with being his roommate, he was always a bit frazzled. “If it goes on for a long while then we’ll worry about it.” She shook a lock of hair out of her face. “I know one time I forgot to lock the apartment door and he went on a riddle spree for an hour just with ones about doors and locks. It was like a coded message reminding me to do it next time or to like, chastise me.” She glanced to Harley. “If there’s recurring patterns with the riddles, we can figure out if something set it off. If not, then he’s just spouting riddles.”

Harley nodded and glanced back to Ed. At least the others weren’t too bad at solving riddles.

 

The riddles hadn’t stopped when they got to the botanical gardens, but Pamela didn’t notice. She was too busy trying not to cry.

“What’s wrong?” Oswald asked.

She shook her head. “The plants are so happy.”

He watched her for a moment and arched an eyebrow. “I think this is the happiest you’ve been on the whole trip.”

“Shut up, Oz.” She whispered, holding a hand to her mouth and looking around the gardens.

While Pamela wandered through the gardens just beside herself with joy and Harley wandered with her, the Joker, Oswald, and Selina tried to continue answering Ed’s riddles. The whole time he hadn’t been able to say anything besides riddles. And as they continued onwards, Selina noticed they were having pretty similar answers. Well, aside from the random ones about plants. Those were probably just situational.

The group stood near where the Titan Arum was being kept, and they could already smell it from where they were. Pamela was just about grinning ear to ear while mostly everyone else was grimacing from it.

“Have fun with your plant, Red.” Harley said with a wave to Pamela as she stepped back. “If I get any closer I’m gonna hurl.”

“Same.” Selina said with a shake of her head. “I’m hanging back with Harley.”

“All of my sense are basically dead like me.” The Joker put his hands on his hips and smiled at Pamela. “I wanna see the corpse flower.”

“I thought you just enjoyed torturing yourself.” Oswald said with a glance to the Joker.

He shrugged. “That’s true too.”

Oswald turned back to Pamela. “I’m not going near it, either.” Then gave a nod to Ed who stood besides Pamela, though his focus was on the plant. “I think Ed’s gonna try though.”

“You all are pansies.” Pamela said with a narrow eyed look to Selina, Harley, and Oswald, before heading in for the plant.

The Joker grabbed Ed by the hand with a smile as Pamela walked off. “Let’s go riddle boy, and die because plants!”

As the three looked over the plant, Pamela’s hands went to her chest and she watched it in utter awe.

“I’m so happy I got to see this plant.” She said, her voice almost cracking. “I can die happy now.”

The Joker gave her a sly look and smile. “With how you’ve been eyeing it, I’d say you’ve got half a mind to steal it.”

Pamela hesitated, shrugged, then glanced over to him. “...I mean if we stop here on the way back to Gotham when the trip’s over...I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.”

The Joker laughed and she even cracked a smile herself. Ed didn’t seem to notice the conversation at all.

 

Four hours later.

Ed had not stopped with the riddles.

The group was hanging out in the girls’ room with Saber running about and rubbing up on everyone. Ed sat in the chair at the desk with the Joker lying face up on the bed nearest him and answering whatever riddles he was capable of figuring out. Harley sat next to him doing the same. Oswald sat at the head of the bed, barely participating in it at this point. Pamela and Selina were sitting together on the other bed.

“Pamela,” Selina started in a low voice. “He’s still going on with the riddles.”

“I’ve noticed.” Pamela replied. Neither took their eyes off Ed as he sat slumped in the chair with a hand to his forehead.

“What do we do? We can’t just keep answering riddles for the rest of our lives.”

“I am often made but hardly learned from. I’m as part of life as I am human. And I am certainly hard to let go of.” Ed asked from where he sat. “What am I?”

A pause.

“A mistake.” Pamela said. Ed didn’t even bother to give a nod before going on to the next riddle. Pamela sighed and shifted to pull her phone out of her pocket as Harley answered Ed’s newest question.

“Give me a second.” She said to Selina. “I need to run through the day and see if there was anything out of the ordinary that happened.”

After a few minutes of scrolling through her phone, Pamela rolled her head across her shoulders and typed up her reply to Selina onto the blog. It felt rude to her to discuss the issue out loud in front of Ed.

_Alright let’s see._

_He started with the riddles after we got out_ _  
_ _of the herpetarium, but looking back at the_ _  
_ _posts it seems he was set off sooner than that_ _  
_ since he was typing up riddles before we got out.

_I don’t think it was the frogs because he was just_ _  
_ _talking about them and wasn’t set off, so it couldn’t_ _  
_ be that.

_What’s the pattern of the riddle answers?_

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:35PM)_

_Uhhh…_

_Mistakes, one, numbers, posts, head?_ _  
_ _He had a couple about his head or something._

_-Selina_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:38PM)_

_Yeah, he sometimes throws a couple of those in_ _  
_ _there when he feels like he can’t control something_ _  
_ _or is ‘losing his head’ over something. It’s kind of a_ _  
_ hint that something’s wrong.

_Hmmm…it sounds like he’s frustrated about maybe_ _  
_ _something he posted? I mean, if we look back at the_ _  
_ posts he made today-

_Oh. Yep. Found the problem._

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:41PM)_

_What is it?_

_-Selina_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:41PM)_

_So you know how we always number our posts when_ _  
_ _we make them for the sake of order and everything?_ _  
_ _It looks like when he made his first post this morning_ _  
_ _that he forgot to add the number that it was. It also_ _  
_ _looks like he tried to go back and fix it at some point,_ _  
_ _but since Harley had already replied to it, the post_ _  
_ _couldn’t be changed, so now it just says_ _  
_ ‘Edward Nygma #’

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:44PM)_

_So how do we fix it?_

_-Selina_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:44PM)_

_Well, if we can’t just fix the post as is, and deleting_ _  
_ _it outright would probably throw him off more now_ _  
_ that we’re talking about it on here, so…

_I guess we just all make a post without a number._ _  
_ At least then we’d all have one.

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:47PM)_

_What if it doesn’t work?_

_-Selina_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:48PM)_

_Then we’re all going to get really good at solving_ _  
_ _riddles real soon._

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:50PM)_

And so Pamela and Selina told the group - minus Ed - what to do, and they chose not to argue, soon enough following through with it.

**_HARLEY QUINN #_ **

_Eddie I really hope this works because sometimes your_ _  
_ _riddles are really really hard and I don’t wanna be stuck_ __  
guessing them for the rest of my life

_I mean I’m smart and all but man I’ve got to make some_ __  
leaps of logic sometimes to figure out the answers

_-Harley_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:54PM)_

 

**_JOKER #_ **

_Well at least I’m not the only one to have a breakdown_ _  
_ _on this trip._

_Welcome to the Slowly Falling Apart Club, Eddie! Here’s to_ _  
_ _hoping you can get out of it easier than I can :)_

_-Joker_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:56PM)_

 

**_SELINA KYLE #_ **

_I’ve got nothing fun to say besides not putting a number_ _  
_ _after the # symbol makes it look like we all suck at hashtags_

_-Selina_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:56PM)_

 

**_OSWALD COBBLEPOT #_ **

_I’ve got nothin’_

_-Oswald_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:57PM)_

 

**_PAMELA ISLEY #_ **

_Eddie don’t you dare fix these posts_

_-Pamela_

_(11 JUL 2017 8:59PM)_

***

An hour later and the issue seemed to dissolve. Ed was just doing riddles for the sake of riddles and was able to get himself to hold an actual conversation again, to the relief of everyone and himself.

“Sorry we didn’t do that sooner, bud.” Pamela said to him as they sat on one bed and the rest of the group talked amongst themselves on the other.

He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. But thanks for figuring it out, though. I know sometimes it’s frustrating when I can’t just…” He made an almost clenching gesture with his hand. “...outright say it.”

Pamela prodded his shoulder gently. “It’s not your fault. We just need more patience sometimes.” She pulled her hair over her shoulder. “And I shouldn’t have put my want to see the plant over helping you.” With a grin she added: “Next time I do that, just like...hit me with a really, really hard riddle that’s bug me until I figure it out.”

Ed smiled back. “Oh that’ll be easy.”

She gave a playful glare. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t you worry about it.” He laughed.

She shoved him over in response, but kept up her smile.


End file.
